Spark
by Araceli Maura
Summary: Things at Hellsing are starting to overwhelm Seras and her emotions begin to affect her work. Integra grants her a leave of absence...without Alucard's knowledge.
1. Scarlet

Spark: Noun; something that sets off a sudden force  
  
Disclaimer: Bleh. Normal disclaimer's apply. So don't look for them. They're hidden. /Disclaimer  
  
***  
  
Right, left, dodge, fire.  
  
White plaster exploded around her as she ducked behind the wall, covering her head with her hands and re-loading her gun.  
  
Snap, click, turn.  
  
Taking aim, she stepped out from behind her vantage point just long enough to lock sight and pull the trigger back, releasing the silver bullet that would put an end to another worthless existence. The vampire shrieked, a high pitched dying sound escaping its lips as it fell to the ground before her, exploding into dust on impact.  
  
Rounding the corner, Ceras Victoria cocked her gun before her, eyes searching for the next target that awaited her.  
  
/There./  
  
A sudden movement to her right caught her off guard, breaking her attention momentarily as she turned to face the source of the shadow next to her. Something silver glinted in the moonlight as it plowed toward her and buried itself into her right shoulder blade. Forced back by the impact, Ceras stumbled into the wall behind her, losing grip on her weapon as she fell to her knees.  
  
Blinding pain enveloped her body, taking away her vision and ripping a scream from her chest.  
  
/Something's not right, it shouldn't hurt this bad./  
  
Footsteps fell on the soft ground before her, kicking up remnants of plaster and dust. Something cool touched her forehead and Ceras was dimly aware of the smell of gunpowder enveloping her senses.  
  
Red overcame her vision as she groped blindly on the ground before her, searching hopelessly for the weapon her hands had unwillingly abandoned. Touching the smooth surface with her fingertips, she pulled it back and kicked up with her right leg, feeling it connect with a solid form and knock it backward. Ignoring the pain that was slowly taking over her body, Ceras stood, dragging her gun up with her and bringing it up to the monster that lie on the floor before her.  
  
Teeth gritted, blood running down her arm and making her trigger finger sticky, Ceras felt her face twist into something inhuman, bearing a smile that would have caused the devil himself to tremble.  
  
"In the name of God..." She whispered, swinging the weapon before her and pulling back the trigger.  
  
***  
  
"Mission parameter complete. The targets have been silenced."  
  
The words echoed around her as Ceras stood slowly and watched as the dust blew free of the room, hindering her vision momentarily as it kicked up and blew past her. Her commander was speaking to her; useless words about completing the mission successfully and something else about helping him gather the wounded. Approaching him slowly, Ceras met his gaze with sharp red eyes. He gazed at her for a moment, clearly startled at her appearance, before mouthing something inaudible to her and turning around swiftly to run back to what was left of their team. 40 men in, 4 came out.  
  
/There will be no tears; there will be no mourning./  
  
Ceras stepped over the bodies of what used to be her team, staining her boots red as she tread carelessly through their blood and kicked separated limbs out of her way.  
  
/This is my job./ Words echoed pointlessly through her head as she moved trying to convince her wordlessly that what she did was right, and that the people lying decapitated or wounded around her had not died in vain. It was a lost attempt, as she quickly felt the tears rise to her eyes. Pushing them back, she gritted her teeth and forced her eyes ahead of her, walking outside of the abandoned building and moving swiftly past the recovery team of Hellsing officers.  
  
The mission should have been easy. It should have been the simple 'go in, kill the ghouls and leave' operation as it usually was. But something went wrong. They hadn't intended on it being a breeding ground for vampires, a hidden cove where hundreds of them lived, including the ones that had changed them. Two real vampires, not the half-changed scum that Ceras usually dealt with. These were fully made vampires, masters to the kin that resided in the ruined building she had just exited. The Hellsing team had gone in, expecting a full-scale clean job. They hadn't expected the vampires to be waiting for them.  
  
/It was a setup. They knew we were coming./  
  
Ceras shook her head as she walked straight ahead, occasionally bumping into team members that ran hesitantly past her and into the circle of hell she had helped to create. The words of Hellsing members echoed around her, barely penetrating her tuned out mind. If she ignored it, it would go away. It wouldn't be true. Her entire team wasn't wiped out; it was just a dream. The sirens flashed around her, casting an eerie red glow over everything as she made her way back to Hellsing headquarters on foot. She had never minded walking much; it was always something that helped her take her mind off things. /If only it could erase this./  
  
Clenching her fists at her sides, she didn't notice that she was actually at her destination until the stone steps rose before her, extending into the large building that was now her home.  
  
Swift movement, conversation ignored.  
  
The halls were empty as she made her way past rooms, ignoring their possible occupants and not slowing her pace until she reached the basement door, swinging it open violently and breaking into an all out run when she saw the closed door of her room. Barging through the door a little recklessly, she closed it behind her and half stumbled into the room, sliding forward on her feet until she reached the safety of her desk. Leaning against it, she breathed heavily for a few moments before finally glancing at the wound in her shoulder. The silver blade still protruded from her shoulder blade, sticking out at an odd angle toward her chest.  
  
Reaching for it hesitantly, she wrapped her hand around the base and pulled. The blade exited easily, leaving the open wound to throb and bleed freely. Tossing the knife in anger it darted across the room and lodged itself into the back of a wooden chair at the base of the room. Ceras stared at it in mild amazement for a moment before gripping the wound with her other arm and steeling out of the room, heading toward the hospital facility. Once there, she took in the full measure of their chaos. The entire room was full of wounded men, lying about on beds and moaning as medical technicians tended to their wounds. Looking around hesitantly, Ceras slid half in shadow against the wall, using her vampiric skill to disguise herself as she managed to grab a few bandages and some peroxide before quickly exiting. She had no business to interrupt and ask for help. These people needed it much more than she did. Besides, she was a vampire. She was supposed to heal quickly. Those men-some of them might not even make it.  
  
Forcing the thought from her mind, Ceras made her way back to her room, ignoring the stares of random Hellsing members whose eyes danced from her face then to her injury before realizing what she was and inevitably moving on.  
  
By the time she reached her destination the dull throb had transformed into unbearable pain. Closing the door behind her softly, she fumbled blindly toward the table, trying to balance the things on top of it and force her hands to remain steady. It ended in her slamming into the table at a rather unreasonable speed, knocking the bottle to the floor as her knees wobbled and gave out underneath her. Bracing herself for the feel of hard cement floor, she was dimly surprised as a warmth invaded her instead, bracing her around the waist and lifting her back to a half standing, half kneeling position. Blinking as her vision began to leave her, Ceras looked up at the quiet face of her master as he held her close to him, his long arms bracing her back and steadying her feet.  
  
"Easy, Police-girl." He said softly, a small grin playing on his face. "Looks like Hellsing got more than it was planning on."  
  
Ceras tried to speak, but all that came out was a dry strangled noise as her throat closed itself off. Alucard silenced her with a shake of his head and lifted her cleanly off the floor, placing her gently on the table in a sitting position as he knelt down to pick up the remains of her feeble attempt to tend to her wound. A moan escaped her lips as her master tugged her hand away from the wound, letting the blood escape and run freely down her arm, staining her blue uniform.  
  
"You should really be more careful Police-girl. These kinds of wounds are not easily healed. Especially with one who refuses to take the proper nourishment required in healing them." His red gaze met hers as she nodded dumbly, biting her lip roughly to take the focus away from her injury. Alucard's hands roamed over the wound for a moment before ultimately moving to her chest. Once there, he unbuttoned the top of her uniform and pulled it off, careful not to graze the wound as he removed the sleeves and tossed it on the ground next to them.  
  
Ceras knew that she should have felt uncomfortable. After all, she was now barely clothed, sitting in front of her master in nothing more than the bottom half of her uniform and her bra, which, as it stood, didn't cover much. But the fact that she had a gaping wound in her arm and that she had just suffered two hours in a proverbial hell, didn't seem grounds to complain about the current situation. Besides, it was nice having someone to take care of her, instead of having to worry about consequences or what her higher-ranking officers would think.  
  
Alucard's hands were surprisingly gentle as he poured out the disinfectant and cleanly swiped it across the wound, drawing a low hiss from Ceras as it began to bubble. Her master smiled that trademark grin of his as he kept wiping the excess away, every now and then flicking his red gaze to meet that of his younger apprentice. "I suppose this had something to do with the Vatican, seeing as how the blade that entered your arm was blessed."  
  
Ceras raised an eyebrow but didn't elaborate on the situation. It wasn't her business to know all of the mission perimeters. She was given her job and took care of the situation as ordered. Asking your superior too many questions only resulted in either a de-ranking or a strong reprimand, both of which Victoria wasn't too keen on experiencing.  
  
Alucard pretended to ignore her lack of revealing information and resumed his cleaning, finally pressing the bandage against it roughly to stop the flow of blood. Ceras winced, but tried to contain the low whimper that wanted to withdraw itself from her mouth. Appearing weak in front of her master also wasn't something she wanted to experience again in the near future. Alucard smirked, perhaps from picking up on her last thought or maybe from his own ever present joke, and removed his yellow glasses with his free hand. He placed them next to Ceras' right thigh and looked her in the face, his red eyes staring intently into her own.  
  
"Are you still in pain?" He asked, his hand still pressed against her wound. She had to bite her lip to restrain the yell that was to become her response.  
  
Instead, she hissed a low, "Yes," and blinked her vision back into place. Her master responded by pressing harder on the bandage to keep it in place and picking up the gauze to wrap it to her arm. Lifting it easily, he bound it carefully and ripped the end off with his teeth, sealing the frayed end with a thick piece of medical tape that Ceras barely remembered having grabbed. Having completed his objective he looked back at her face and reached his hand up to brush at something. Ceras felt warm stickiness move against her forehead and gritted her teeth as her mind tried to register the fact that blood had just come from somewhere on her head. She reached up a hand to clean it away when Alucard stopped her, catching her wrist and bringing it back down to her waist as he looked at the spot of blood that was now trailing down her cheek.  
  
Without warning, or any kind of general reaction, he leaned forward suddenly and licked the blood away, trailing his tongue up from the base of her jaw to where the wound began just above her right eyebrow.  
  
If the physical capacity for sudden movement had allowed her to react, she would have jumped and moved back. However, considering her current standings and the condition of her head, she could only manage a small quiver and a strangled gasp. This only furthered to amuse her master as he stepped back away from her, resting one gloved hand on top of hers.  
  
"Feeling better yet?"  
  
Ceras opened her mouth to answer in the previous manner when the pain suddenly lifted from her head and was replaced by a dull throb in her injured arm. Vision returned quickly, and Ceras snapped her gaze to meet her master's, her innocent eyes full of confusion.  
  
"But I-what did you..."  
  
Alucard laughed again, that low raspy laugh of his that brought a chill to her spine. He sounded so inhuman when he laughed like that.  
  
"Be careful from now on, police-girl. I don't always want to be the one to bandage your wounds." He patted her hand like a reassuring parent and backed away, taking his glasses back but not placing them over his eyes just yet. A strand of black hair fell over one red eye, shielding most of his expression from her as he melted into the shadows. But Ceras didn't need to see his face to know what would register there. Amusement perhaps or maybe disinterest. Either way it was the look he usually gave her and by now Ceras had grown used to his ever-consistent mood. "Though it was most enjoyable this time." The words were spoken in her head as he disappeared, leaving his apprentice confused and slightly flustered. 


	2. Test

"We danced in graveyards with vampires till dawn / We laughed in the faces of king never afraid to burn / and I hate / and I hate / and I hate / and I hate disintegration / Watching us wither / Black winged roses that safely changed their color"  
  
- Tori Amos "Little Earthquakes"  
  
***  
  
It took her nearly two hours before her mind would quiet enough to allow sleep to overtake her body. A heavy cloud seemed to envelop her senses as she drifted in and out of consciousness, an odd feeling still lingering at the base of her shoulder blade. Ceras forced her mind to forget the injury and tried to blank out, to allow herself to sleep without fitful dreams or interruptions. A chill enveloped the room and shielded her body from the warmth of her coffin. It seemed to invade every crevice of her enclosed space forcing the hairs on her skin to rise as she lazily opened one eye. Darkness blocked her from seeing anything around her and she felt around for the switch to allow the lid of her coffin to rise.  
  
Ceras closed her eyes briefly and focused on the quiet humming noise that echoed through the dim room as the coffin rose up and the lid snapped open, revealing the small blond vampire that slept on the silk padding within it. With a reluctant sigh, Victoria pushed herself into a sitting position and glanced about the room blearily.  
  
"I hate waking up." She mumbled, her small almost child-like voice echoing strangely through the hollow cell that was her resting-place. Drawing up her hands to rub warmth into her bare arms, she stood shakily and attempted to gather the clothes she had hastily shed the night before. As soon as her dressing ritual was complete, Ceras glanced at the bandaged wound on her arm, poking at it feebly to test the pain. Seeing as this drew a sharp breath followed by a quick flash of pain, Victoria realized that any kind of physical contact with said wound would have to wait. Taking that as an incentive to get to work, she moved hastily toward the door, her eyes downcast as her hands fumbled with a random button that had come loose sometime during her inspection. As such, this was ample opportunity for her to smash headfirst into the wall-or rather, headfirst into a rather sturdy wall-like object. Mumbling a half-coherent sound that was a mix between "Ow!" and "Damn it!" she looked up through the one eye that didn't take the most impact to see a large red object looming over.  
  
Reaching up a hand hesitantly, she grabbed at whatever it was that stood in her path and pushed. This in turn caused the object to chuckle and Ceras jumped slightly, blinking rapidly up at the hooded gaze of Alucard.  
  
"Sleep well, police-girl?" He inquired.  
  
Ceras nodded, rubbing at her head absent-mindedly as she backed up a few paces. "You really should make some sort of a noise when you enter a room you know. It isn't very nice to sneak up on people like that." She responded.  
  
"Who says I was sneaking? I've been standing here all along. You just didn't notice until your head connected with my chest." He retorted, smiling mischievously down at her.  
  
Victoria raised an eyebrow but didn't elaborate on the situation. Instead, she turned and began to pick up the mess she had created the night before.  
  
She waited for him to speak again as she tidied up, hoping he'd at least make a comment about her wound or the situation in general. When nothing came after a good five minutes, Ceras spun on her heel, a bottle of cleaning solution balanced precariously in one hand.  
  
"I hate to be rude, but is there something you needed?" The thought hadn't actually come to mind that perhaps this wasn't the best statement to make to one's master before the words actually left her mouth, and she was left staring feebly up at him as her cheeks turned red. Expecting some sort of reprimand or sarcastic comment, Victoria was surprised to see her master's lip draw up in a smirk instead.  
  
"There's no need to get snippy police-girl." Ceras swallowed the lump that had risen in her throat and looked down. "I just came to check on you." The words caused her head to snap back up and she dropped the bottle before she could even meet his gaze.  
  
"What?" Her expression must have clearly read 'dumbfounded' for he looked at her with sheer amusement. Without furthering the discussion, he moved forward until he was standing directly in front of her, his chest pressed up against her own forcing his heartbeat to mimic her own.  
  
"Can't I be concerned about my only fledgling?" There was something in his tone that seemed off to her. Ceras regarded him with a look born of both bewilderment and shock as he bent impossibly closer to her, his breath mingling with her own. "There are still some things I haven't taught you."  
  
Swallowing the lump that had formed at the base of her throat, Ceras forced herself to nod as he moved back, his red jacket rustling as he strode across the room. /Is he trying to get a reaction out of me? /  
  
He now stood a good three feet away from her, allowing Ceras to regain the breathe she had lost at the mere presence of him. There was a rustle of cloth against cloth as he reached a gloved hand into the front of his jacket, drawing the large black gun with the words "Jesus Christ is in Heaven now" emblazoned on the side. He checked the clip rather absent mindedly before cocking his wrist and pointing it directly at the center of her chest.  
  
There was a long pause in which Ceras felt her eyes grow wide in shock as her master smirked, his glasses glinting strangely in the dim lighting. Her heart pumped faster in her chest and she wondered briefly if he had gone completely insane.  
  
"M-Master...what are you-" she began, but he cut her off with a wave of his free hand.  
  
"You should be able to dodge this." His voice cut through the harsh stillness her quite voice had left and pushed the adrenaline in her system up about 12 notches. He really had gone insane. There was no way she could dodge that!  
  
"I-I don't understand."  
  
"You don't have to."  
  
"..."  
  
"Your sight is much better than that of any human. Your eyes can read the trajectory of the bullet five times faster than any mortal being."  
  
Another pause.  
  
Ceras narrowed her eyes as tensed her body, preparing her senses to either take the shot full force in the chest, or get the hell out of the way before it even so much as left the barrel.  
  
"Are you ready?" Alucard asked, his voice low and subdued. When Ceras nodded, his lips curved into a malicious grin, teeth overlapping his lips and glinting like rare ivory in the moonlight.  
  
She only had a second to react. Watching closely, she gauged the time it would take him to pull the trigger back and estimated the timing of each bullet, figuring it to be about half a second before it would release and fly toward her. Her mind working at impossible speeds, Ceras bit her lip and waited for the inevitable trigger click and bang of the bullet being released. She smelt the gunpowder before she could actually see the fleck of silver as it reared toward her, intentions to hit and kill. It seemed as if everything slowed and came to a stop as Ceras pushed her body to move, feeling her limbs lock and freeze two seconds before impact. Forcing herself to switch positions, she moved quickly to the side, unable to even comprehend just how fast she had actually moved. The bullet whizzed past her arm just as she turned, narrowly missing the flesh hidden underneath the cloth uniform. It hit the wall and bounced off, momentarily off course as Ceras ducked to avoid being hit square in the face. With a loud clang it hit the wall adjacent to her and came to a halt, falling uselessly to the ground and rolling toward Alucard's boot.  
  
She had just dodged one of Alucard's bullets. An insane giggle made its way to her throat and she fought it back down, not wanting her master to think she had lost her marbles. Instead, she faced him with a grin of complete satisfaction and utter amazement on her face.  
  
"I did it Master! I really did it!"  
  
The satisfaction turned to sheer elation as he smiled back at her, putting the gun back into his jacket and letting a small laugh escape his lips.  
  
"It appears you did. I'm actually rather surprised. I was nearly positive you wouldn't be ready for such a thing just yet." His voice gave away the fact that he was pleased with her, which only furthered Ceras' excitement. He approached her again and placed his hand on her shoulder. The gesture caused Ceras to jump despite her best efforts not to and she felt a small shiver travel the length of her spine as she looked up at him.  
  
"We'll continue this later." He said, the hint of dry amusement dripping from his voice. He patted her on the head, another gesture that took her completely by surprise. Her master was acting rather strangely that night, coming down to her room and actually taking time to train her in the ways of a proper vampire.  
  
The air seemed to shift as he brushed past her, his body drifting back into the shadows. "Tomorrow then." The words echoed through the empty room and reverberated back to her, creating a hollowed effect in her mind. Shaking her head to rid herself of the strange thoughts invading it, she ran a hand through her hair anxiously before grabbing her gun and exiting the room. Tension was building up inside of her and after her little encounter with Alucard she needed to release as much of it as possible before their next meeting. 


	3. Sacrifice

"To the madness I do confess  
  
I never see myself as blessed  
  
Confused, unaddressed,  
  
Like a saviour I do caress,  
  
The truth is boredom more or less  
  
Unused, obsessed, my time is only given to you,  
  
Too much to choose, it's not mine to contemplate  
  
If I can lose, with this blood on my shoes"   
  
-Sneaker Pimps "Walking Zero"   
  
***  
  
There was no one in the shooting range as she turned the corner and entered the room; her large gun tossed carelessly over one shoulder. It was quiet for once, which Seras was immensely grateful for. Having too many people in the shooting range at one time could be irritating; too many guns firing, too much tension between what was left of her Hellsing comrades. Since their last mission the remaining members of her division started to go to great lengths to avoid confrontation with her. Whether it be alone with her in the shooting range, or standing next to her in formation, there was always someone emitting the scent of fear-something that Seras had grown too fond of detecting. The visions of her team completely leveled before her eyes still haunted her, remaining forever a part of her vision and dictating her thoughts. Taking a moment to control the rage that shook her body, Seras glanced at her gun for a moment before ultimately setting it to the side and turning toward the back of the room where the other guns were stored. The metal storage door opened with a loud creak as she pushed aside rifles and battering rams to find a silver pistol resting at the back of the pile. Pulling it out carefully so as to not upset the delicate balance of the guns half its size, she checked the clip for ammo before turning back toward the range where her abandoned Halconnen lay. The Halconnen was her main weapon in battle, large enough to be inconvenient in travel situations and powerful enough to take out a fully armed tank with only a few shells. She had grown so used to the gun that firing it now was like second nature to her, and she knew that she would have to be well trained in other weaponry incase a situation called for it. After all, it was good to have extensive knowledge of every weapon available, rather than getting too comfortable with just one.  
  
The gun she chose was small enough in size to not cause difficulty in aiming it, but large enough to lay waste to whatever was in her vision. And right now, the thing in her vision was the target. Taking aim for a brief second, Seras pulled back the trigger and fired three rounds, one in the lower abdomen, one in the heart, and putting the final shot in the head. Seras felt her body begin to relax momentarily as she focused on the target before her rather than her inconsistent thoughts.  
  
/40 men in, 4 out./  
  
The thought popped into her head before she had time to suppress it, bringing back the anger and frustration that had been with her since the occurrence. Her vision blurred as she took aim again, willing the hatred to dissipate as it had before. She fired again, this round ending directly at the heart. Another shot, landing just above the previous one.  
  
Again.  
  
She reached out and reloaded the clip with a blank mind, seeing only red as she clamped it shut and swung it back, firing off two more rounds that expanded the hole she had already made.  
  
Again, again, again.  
  
Teeth bared, red eyes glazed over, Seras gripped the gun with sweaty hands, her blond hair falling carelessly across her vision as her body shook with the emotions surging through her.  
  
/I hate them. I hate them all. They made me do it they killed my team. I couldn't stop it I couldn't save them all. I'm just one person. I'm not a person I'm a monster. I could kill them all they don't respect me, they don't understand. They're cattle, something to feed on./  
  
Seras was oblivious to the fact that she had emptied her entire clip into one target, and continued to pull the trigger back, receiving only the faint click of the now empty gun. Something inside her snapped and she stumbled back, dropping the gun as her back hit the wall behind her. She brought a hand up to her mouth to muffle the scream that suddenly ripped from her throat, shaking her physical body and tearing through her soul.  
  
/What is wrong with me? What am I doing?/  
  
Dropping the gun as if it had suddenly become molten lava, she slid down the wall and buried her head in her hands, willing whatever had suddenly taken over her body to go away and leave her with the empty feeling as it had before.  
  
Breathe. Just breathe.  
  
She repeated the mantra until her breathes became more even and her mind quieted the sick thoughts disrupting it.  
  
/What did I just...oh God.../  
  
The gun she had previously used lie on the ground next to her and she picked it up in her right hand without thought, looking at it for a moment before narrowing her eyes and squeezing it in her open palm. The gun bent in with a faint squealing sound as the steel crumpled and the hilt of the gun broke off, falling to the ground with a loud clang. The sheer monstrosity of the act relayed in her mind for what seemed forever. No human being could bend steel. She was not a human being.  
  
Monster.  
  
Curling her legs up to her chest she let out an inhuman wail, loud enough to shake the foundation of the training room and rattle the guns against one another in the cabinet.  
  
"What have I become?" The thought died on her lips as she folded in on herself, collapsing sideways onto the ground and letting the dark of unconsciousness take over.  
  
---------  
  
He was standing over her. Of this she was aware.  
  
It took her a moment to open her eyes and then another to blink against the onslaught of light surrounding her. The pain in her head had dimmed to a dull throb and she was now able to sit up without further injury to the brain. That feeling of him came over her again, that tingling sensation of his eyes upon her back, of his skin close to hers. Pivoting her head slowly, she caught a glimpse of him sitting in the high chair behind her, the one that she had thrown the knife at earlier. The hole she had caused remained there, as some kind of reminder of her inhumanity. Swallowing the dry feeling down in her mouth, she stood resolutely and approached her master who as she came closer appeared to be drinking red wine from a delicate crystal glass. Only she knew it wasn't wine. Her senses peaked at the scent of blood and she bit her lip to keep from lunging at the glass and tearing it from his grip. Instead, she brushed past him and sat on the chair across from him, her head down and hands in her lap in the traditional subordinate manner.  
  
There was a sucking noise as he sipped gracefully from the glass before finally setting it down, the rim leaving a faint red circle on the wooden table.  
  
"I no longer know what to do with you."  
  
Drip.  
  
A faucet must be leaking somewhere.  
  
"I thought I could teach you, that you would one day understand what it meant to be true undead."  
  
Drip.  
  
"I seem to have failed."  
  
Drip.  
  
Seras gripped the hem of her skirt tightly, twisting the folds between her fingers until the stitching began to tear a slow line further up her thigh.  
  
He smirked, the sound of it barely audible over the slow hum in Seras' burning ears.  
  
"Your humanity has gotten the best of you."  
  
She jerked suddenly, tearing a large portion of her skirt away from itself and splitting the seam in half. There was now a fine slit clear up the top of her thigh. Ignoring it, Seras stood abruptly, banging her revealed flesh into the edge of the table.  
  
"So that's it then?" She gasped her voice full of anger and something else she couldn't place. "You just cast me off once you no longer want to deal with me? You bring me into this hell and now you just leave me to deal with it on my own?" Her voice had risen to a frantic pitch and she no longer cared about calming herself down or about speaking out of line in front of her master. She no longer cared about anything.  
  
And apparently neither did Alucard. The only sign he gave of recognition of her actions was the slight shift of his gloved hand as he pushed the wine glass slowly back and forth across the table, leaving a red line against the palm of his white hands. This frustrated her more. Not just that he wasn't talking or responding in general, but that he was aware enough of her presence to calmly batter a wine glass across the table as if he were a cat playing with a mouse, totally oblivious to the angry disposition of the blond vampire across from him.  
  
She let out a frustrated growl and stepped away from the table, slamming the chair into it in her anger to get it out of the way and striding past him toward the door. He was on her before she could so much as get her hand around the doorknob.  
  
Spinning her around to face him he gripped her arms painfully and slammed her back into the door, her head grazing the wood painfully. He had never once grabbed her in the manner he did now, and that took her by more of a surprise than his sudden attraction of acknowledgement in her anger.  
  
"There is a difference between you and I, police-girl. And that is that I have learned to control my anger."  
  
Sometime between here and the table his glasses had come off and he now stared down at her with complete unreleased anger in his red eyes, his palms burning into her bare flesh.  
  
"There are a lot of differences between you and I." she whispered, fear of his presence masking her anger so completely that she trembled in his grip.  
  
He released her so quickly that she would have stumbled had she not already been backed into the door. But her body had taken over and she could no longer control the shaking. Seras fumbled behind her until her sweaty palm found the doorknob and she turned, flinging the door open and stumbling out in her haste. If he saw her collapse again, he would win. She needed this; she needed to show that she was strong. The stone grazed against her shoulder as she moved swiftly down the corridor and away from the confines of her dungeon-room. Before she reached the final landing, Alucard's voice weaseled its way into her mind, penetrating the wall she had feebly put there to block him out.  
  
"Yes there are, Seras Victoria."  
  
The door to Sir Integra's office seemed a sort of salvation as she approached it. If she got there without getting intercepted by Walter, interrupted by a commanding officer, or decapitated by Alucard, she swore she would worship that door until her dying day. With luck she got her wish and opened the door hesitantly at first and then, hearing Alucard's laughing baritone in her mind, hastily slipped through and slammed it behind her.  
  
Her salvation's owner currently resided behind a large oak desk positioned what seemed like a mile away from the door itself. The thin blond woman was smoking one of her many cigars and regarded Seras with a look born both of slight bewilderment and shell shock as the vampire rushed toward her.  
  
"Miss Victoria," she began, standing slightly and ruffling the folds of her suit jacket that had come undone in her brief relaxation.  
  
"Please, Sir Integra. I just, need a moment with you." 


	4. Diversion

"There was a time when you held all the cards  
  
And you delt them all evenly 'cause I couldn't see  
  
You read my mind  
  
Left yourself so hard to find  
  
I thought you knew me better than I knew myself"   
  
- Beth Orton "Faith Will Carry"   
  
***  
  
"She's gone Alucard."  
  
If the circumstances had been different, and he had not come to her in such an unusually silent manner, she would have found his reaction to this current statement slightly amusing. Instead, she forced the vindictive laugh and sordid comment of "I told you so" down her throat and took her seat in the leather chair before him, shuffling her papers to the right side of her desk rather then the left. Alucard seemed to notice her dutiful shifting and smirked slightly, the first real reaction he had given her since the conversation started.  
  
"I see."  
  
Integra stiffened, bringing her blue eyes to his distant burning gaze before shaking her head and snuffing out the still burning cigar in her ashtray.  
  
"I see you're still treating your fledglings with the same cold attitude." She said, having finally snuffed the last of the dying embers. For a moment she was satisfied.  
  
"I like to think of it as if we were meant to be, they'll return to me."  
  
Damn she needed a cigar.  
  
Slamming her fist down angrily on the desk she stood up, her jacket unbuttoning and flapping open like withdrawn wings.  
  
"Since when do you start with cheesy cliché's, Alucard?"  
  
Oh she could just kill him. She had finally gotten it in her mind with that last cigar that she was relaxed, that her nerves had not gotten the best of her. And then he had to go and twist the knife with another one of his stupid- smart-ass-I must always have the last word comments. God how she hated that.  
  
"The point is," she said between gritted teeth "that Seras is gone." She forced herself to breathe steadily and not vault over the desk and wring his neck like he properly deserved. "I gave her a leave of absence."  
  
Having that said, Integra resumed her shuffling, only this time actually forcing herself to read the small print on the faded papers before her. Junk from the Vatican about dispatched troops infiltrating their territory, a note from Walter informing her that she needed rest, and a short but to the point letter containing information of the next round table debriefing; all things she wanted desperately to ignore but resolutely found herself replying to them nonetheless. With a resigned sigh, she pushed the papers away from her and sat back in her chair, staring at the red-clad creature in front of her as if he were a child who deserved a parental reprimand.  
  
"Anything else?" She prodded.  
  
He kept his gaze turned away from her as if he were caught deep in thought-something that he was rarely if ever caught doing. Integra waited for a cut-throat reply, some kind of sadistic grin to drip from his lips or the flash of his ruby eyes as he regarded her with a look of amused contempt. Nothing came.  
  
"Alucard," Integra began, her voice softening. And then he gave just the slightest reaction. His face seemed to soften, if only briefly and his eyes flickered downward as one in silent reverence would contemplate a religious action. And then it was gone. His usual mask of silent amusement reformed itself upon his face and he regarded her with a grin so disturbing it caused the hairs on her arms to raise.  
  
"She was nothing more than an insubordinate little child. Thinking I could properly train someone with such humanity was a mistake on my part." The portrait of her father adjacent to them suddenly drew his attention. This came as no surprise to Integra as it was often the subject of his gaze when he was summoned/appeared unasked in her quarters. Alucard scowled.  
  
Integra bristled.  
  
"Regardless, Alucard, this creature you chose so unwittingly to bring into this world, has now been left to her own devices. She stormed into my office this morning and begged for a leave of removal."  
  
"And you gave it to her without my consent."  
  
Integra felt her blood pressure begin to escalate. "I do not need your consent for anything, Alucard. Especially not anything that concerns the welfare of my own people."  
  
In the silence that followed Integra watched his face. He still watched that picture as if at any moment it may come alive before him and retain the image of her father as he once was. The strong dignified leader of Hellsing who commanded respect and loyalty above all things. The man Integra hoped she could one day live up to.  
  
His face still read nothing more than impassivity, which worried Integra while at the same time reassuring her that he still remained who he always was. With no sign of remorse or regret, he still remained shackled to her, a being that she could control and manipulate to whatever means she desired. As a child this thought had disturbed her-having full and unreleased control of a being powerful enough to wipe out half the continent. As an adult, this knowledge was the only consolation she could allow herself; no matter what was thrown at her or how much control she may lose, Alucard would always be bound to her and that in turn meant his complete and unchecked loyalty to both her and her organization. He was, and always would be, her protector.  
  
The thought brought a touch of a smile to her lips. Alucard, the only being that could cause her rage to flicker in under 5 seconds was also the only person she had ever allowed herself to trust.  
  
"She is not gone forever." Integra, finally having had just about enough of the daily harassment she received in paperwork alone, stuffed the load into her side drawer and lit herself another cigar. "Her leave is for 3 months. After that time she must return to Hellsing and maintain her duties. Refusal to do so justifies grounds for immediate elimination."  
  
"You would kill her if she chooses to run rather than comply?"  
  
"That is the code, Alucard. It isn't what I choose."  
  
In the moment of silence that followed, neither Integra nor Alucard moved. Both simply stared at one another, as if measuring the repercussions of their actions and deciding instead to weigh them out before irrational decisions were made. Integra didn't feign to know what Alucard was thinking, not just because she would never chose to bother trying to figure out the mindset of a vampire, but because Alucard shrouded himself so well from her that the mere attempt would give her a migraine larger than the one she had now. She had an inclination that the concern he held for his child was more than just a simple need to know basis. He had made Seras the being she was now, and as much as he denied it he could not undue her so easily. Not only was her willpower a match to his own, but he carried more attachment to her than he cared to admit.  
  
He laughed, his voice ringing through the room like a recently struck bell. "Do not confuse my concern for her to be actual feeling." He mocked, having read her mind-a trait he knew she disapproved of. "She is my possession. Nothing more than an object I own." He backed away from her desk and lifted a hand to his face palms down, as if studying the seal burned into them. "And I do not like to lose things." The seals burned brightly for a moment before he blended into the air around them, disappearing in a ripple of black nothingness.  
  
Integra let her gaze drop to the seal that lay stamped on the box of her cigars. It had burned just as brightly as his gloves a moment before and now steamed silently, its smoke rising and floating toward the open window.  
  
***  
  
Seras yelped as her elbow was roughly slammed into the wall behind her, bringing about a fresh sense of pain as the crowd jostled her forward unwillingly. The train stations were always so bloody full at this time. She could barely breathe with 47 people shuffling past her, around her, and most of the time straight into her as she wandered in what appeared to be useless circles. The platform she had been designated for her departure was under construction leaving her to be directed by a man in a blue hat to platform 17 which should have been just around the corner, a slight walk and two rights down. It was the slight walk that had been Seras' downfall. Nothing 'slight' could possibly be accomplished in Kings Cross Station. Jarring, abusive and raucous yes, but 'slight' no. Damn it, if she could just find someone to direct her to the right platform she could get there without having to chase after her train as it departed without her. This kind of thing happened way too often to her and it was starting to drive her patience. Seras considered herself to be a person of average intelligence; after all she was chosen by Alucard to become a true undead and was allowed to be employed for the Hellsing institution by Integra. And she had managed to keep herself alive for a long enough time to be granted a leave of absence.  
  
The thought caused a sharp pain in Seras' stomach that she usually associated with displeasing her master. Of course she was in a way displeasing him by choosing to run rather than to fight and to do so without his permission or knowledge. She supposed he would have figured it out by now, having had his usual run in with Integra by this time. It was Integra's duty to tell him, that she had been painfully made aware of when she asked for the time away.  
  
**  
  
"Please Sir Integra I just, need a moment with you."  
  
She knew she looked flustered and most likely wore a look of complete and utter fright on her young face as she approached her superior at a rather reckless speed.  
  
"Miss Victoria what are you-"  
  
"Please. I just," Seras glanced behind her warily, as if expecting her master to be dangling from one of the light fixtures before her. Fortunately, he was not and the light fixtures were intact and stable. Turning back, she saw that Integra seemed to understand her cautious attitude and waved her into a seat, taking her own behind the large oak desk. Integra was her master's master, the one woman who understood Alucard if only slightly. And she was the only person who could help her.  
  
"Miss Victoria. I see that you are having some difficulties handling some of your assignments as of late." The statement caught Seras off guard and she stared across the space at the blond woman who was watching her intently as if waiting for a reaction from her.  
  
"How did you-"  
  
"You're one of the best soldiers we have here, Victoria. And you are very valuable to Hellsing."  
  
The thought /but not to Alucard/ crossed her mind so quickly that Seras nearly missed it entirely. /That does not matter/ she convinced herself, blinking rapidly to distill the thought as she tried to focus on Integra's speech.  
  
"I know that the recent mission has caused some of this stress. I know it isn't easy to watch your comrades slaughtered in battle." Something of hatred or anger flashed in her ice blue eyes as she seemed to recall a memory of long ago. It vanished almost immediately into the distant and calculative look she always wore. It reminded Seras of her master, the way he could manage to conceal his emotions so effectively from those around him. It was a skill she wished she had.  
  
Seras chose to nod rather than speak. If she spoke an onslaught of words would spill forth from her mouth, no doubt making her look more of a fool than she felt sitting in front of Integra now. She had burst through her superior's door in a desperate attempt to rid herself of the mocking laughter of her master, thinking that somehow Integra's office was the one place she could escape his cruelty. But now, listening to Integra vocalize all of what she had been feeling in the past few weeks, she changed her viewpoint from that of solace to escape.  
  
"Sir Integra. I-" she tried, wringing her hands in her lap-an old childhood habit that had not died with her mortality. "Was wondering, if at all I could possibly..." This sounded stupid. There was no way Integra was going to grant her leave, not after she had only been there for a little over a year, and not when she was still in direct ownership of Alucard. But she needed to know. She needed to hear Integra's words as she shot her down, told her she was insubordinate and worthless and an idiot for asking such a thing. She needed to be rid of her allusions.  
  
"Be granted a leave of absence." There she had said it. Sighing resolutely, she waited for the inevitable snort of the woman before her, waited for the condescending laugh of disapproval and the blatant 'no' that would leave her lips. Instead she got unreserved silence.  
  
Glancing up hesitantly, Seras read no disdain or disapproval on her superior's face. Instead she caught a glimpse of sympathy-something that Integra never showed.  
  
"You will be granted a leave of up to 3 months." Seras heard herself gasp. "After 3 months if you refuse to return to Hellsing, you will be disengaged. Is that clear?"  
  
Seras, having just regained the ability to fully operate her lungs, nodded her acknowledgement and stood so abruptly she nearly knocked her chair clean to the floor. Integra, having dealt with her most recent problem, went about sorting through various documents on her desk while absently lighting a cigar and bringing it to her lips.  
  
"Yes, Yes I understand completely." Seras stammered, beginning to make her way quickly from the room as if staying any longer would cause Integra to change her decision. "Thank you, Sir Integra."  
  
Her hand was pushed up against the door, preparing to leave when Integra suddenly spoke, bringing about the knowledge that Seras had hoped would stay buried. "I will have to inform Alucard. You're aware of that I assume?"  
  
Seras kept her back to the woman, her hand still pressed against the thick oak of the door. She stared at her gloved hand which resembled that of her master only lacking the seals of the Hellsing manor. "I know." She whispered. The white on her hands seemed to get brighter as she stared at them burning their image into her mind for all of eternity. She imagined briefly that would be what it would feel like to die, to be without an existence. Just complete white.  
  
With that thought she pushed the door open and walked through it, feeling for the first time in her life as if she had completely lost what was left of her humanity. 


	5. Spoils of the dead

~But I recognized death  
  
With sorrow and dread,  
  
And I hated and hate  
  
The spoils of the dead.~  
  
  
  
-Robert Frost  
  
**  
  
"Watch it!" A woman shouted as Seras nearly collided with her, grabbing at the edge of the platform as she maneuvered to the right to avoid a collision.   
  
"Sorry." Seras muttered, her mind still spinning from being jarred out of her memory. Damn she hated train stations. Sighing heavily, she continued her jaunt toward the platform which she spotted only slightly in front of her. She supposed she would have found it earlier had she not been so engrossed in her own thoughts but that really didn't help her now. Moving quickly along with the crowd she side stepped a woman and the small child that kept tugging on her dress and screaming for her attention. Seras glanced briefly down at the small blond girl that tugged on her mother's dress, begging for attention and receiving none as a result of the annoyance. The red of the mother's dress blurred against the white hand of the small girl who gripped it, pulling, twisting the scarlet fabric in her hand, wanting nothing more than her mother's acknowledgment. Dress blended easily into jacket, blazing in the neon glow of the train station, the pale hand lost in the folds.   
  
"Seras."   
  
It was so red. Bright crimson. The red of a beating heart, the feel of cool silk against hot flesh. The smell of roses and wine. It looked so much like a jacket…that brilliant coat she--  
  
"Miss?"   
  
The woman was staring at her strangely. Seras blinked, her breathing coming quicker as if she had just been running. Was there a reason her hand was against her throat? She blinked again. "Miss? Are you sure you're alright?" The woman had a panicked air about her, her blood had the slight tinge of fear. The little blonde girl was staring up at her, her blue eyes inquisitive and innocent. Eyes not so unlike hers, when they had once retained pigment.   
  
"No, I'm quite alright. I'm sorry." Seras managed, forcing her hand away from her throat and down to her side.   
  
The small girl continued to stare up at her from behind the shield of her mother's red dress, her hands still entangled in the fabric in a protective manner.   
  
The woman nodded, her brown ponytail swishing to the side as she turned and guided the little girl in the other direction, no doubt to find their own train.   
  
Her train was leaving soon. Seras swallowed harshly, the dry feeling in her throat unsettling as she tried to will the thirst and the throbbing in her body to recede. It would go away in time, it just took some concentration. Picking up her one bag from where it had fallen near the track, she meandered her way through the area until she found platform 10. The train let out a hiss as she boarded, startling her and causing her to crash into the person directly in front of her. Her body thrown off balance, the toe of her left boot caught the hitch of the step and she tumbled completely forward into the train.   
  
"Oomph!"  
  
"Ackfm!" Seras bit her lip as her body collided with another's, her face hitting their left elbow.   
  
Legs became entangled and before she knew it she was in a desperate struggle to become her own person once again while the conductor hissed nastily at her for being a klutz and holding the entire train up and causing a ruckus in the middle of the station, they could have left hours ago!   
  
Finally managing to figure out which body part belonged to which person, they both stood just as the train started, the voice of the angry conductor carrying throughout the hall, people's gaze following his terse and rigid movements back to the controls. Seras tried to keep her face impassive as she collected herself and hastily tired to help the man up who now lay sprawled on the floor next to her. She had the intense desire to laugh-cackle even, the way her master would as he found creative ways to torment her. The thought of Alucard wiped any thought of laughter clean from her mind. Just as the image of crimson and black sped from her mind, the train gave a great lurch, sending her against the adjacent wall with a heavy load of cursing and annoyed gesticulating. Seras caught herself by the palms of her hands, braced against the wall as if she were being strip searched. The man she had knocked down now stood, bracing himself against the wall to keep from tumbling back to the ground. Once the train picked up sufficient speed and was now on a steady course, Seras allowed herself to turn and face the bedraggled if not slightly mussed man beside her. She seriously didn't think it was possible to be this much of a klutz. Apparently she underestimated her skill.   
  
"I'm SO sorry." Seras blurted out, her hand outstretched as if in attempt to calm a madman.   
  
With the way the conductor had acted earlier she figured it was only a matter of time before this man went off on her as well.   
  
"I wasn't paying attention at all and wasn't watching my step in fact I didn't see the step at all, is there a step really because I might have just tripped on air or my own feet you know they should really do something about those nonexistent steps and all someone could get hurt and if you have any kind of abrasions or injuries I take FULL responsibility I have insurance, well actually I'm not sure if I have it I never asked but do you feel light headed because—"   
  
"Miss."   
  
"—I could get you something, I'm sure there's an ice packet somewhere or aspirin or—"  
  
"Miss."   
  
"—It just would seem sensible since people are likely to hurt themselves on a train, not that that's a likely place for injury but---"  
  
"MISS!"   
  
She ceased her rambling. Had she really rambled that whole time? Oh this was just getting better and better. First he thought she was a crazy person who liked to knock people down in train stations and now he probably thought she was a crazy person who liked to knock people down in train stations and had a pension for driving others to insanity with meaningless banter. Or he just thought she was insane.   
  
"I'm quite fine, actually. Now if you don't mind, I think it would be far more appropriate for us to continue this conversation in an actual cart."   
  
Seras blinked at him. He was asking her to follow him into a cart. After she had just knocked him flat on his face. She blinked at him again. Come to think of it, the man kind of reminded her of Walter. Openly trusting, none judgmental and polite to the point of wanting to cause him physical harm. It was comforting in a way; to find someone that was so familiar in attitude to the one person she had allowed herself to trust in almost a year.   
  
"Yes, that sounds fine." Seras agreed, following his direction to move into the cart to their right. He opened the door and slid in behind her, closing it quietly behind them. Seras sat down on the nearest cushioned seat and wrung her hands together in her lap nervously. "About the accident—"   
  
He laughed, his voice ringing gently through the enclosed space. Such a pleasant sound over her master's obtrusive cackling. "No I apologize. I should have defended you when that bloody madman of a conductor insisted on screaming at you in a cart full of people. That was unnecessary."   
  
Seras smiled. "No, it's quite alright. I'm sure he would have taken away your ticket or thrown us both off the train flat on our backs." She sighed. "Besides it was quite justified. I should have been paying more attention than I was."   
  
He took a seat across from her, putting the package he was carrying gently down beside him. It was wrapped in brown paper with a modest bow atop, the shape of it seeming almost rushed and haphazardly applied. The package itself was no bigger than Seras' hand and held a faint smell of must. It seemed to fit him in a way, old fashioned and misplaced in a modern world full of decadence and high expectation. The man himself wore an old fashioned suit, something that reminded her almost of Cary Grant or old albums her father had of Frank Sinatra. His hair was a light brown, curly and unkempt which stood out from his otherwise perfected appearance. He had a well defined face, strong jaw and warm brown eyes framed behind long lashes. There was a small birthmark next to his right eye that seemed out of place on such a strong face. Seras felt out of place next to him in her modest jeans and dark green sweater.   
  
"Well we all have our moments of inattention miss…" It was a direct ploy for her name.   
  
"Victoria." Seras gave him her surname without much thought. She wasn't quite sure why, but it seemed too personal for this stranger to speak her first name. Besides, it had been her mother's name. She always preferred it over her given one.   
  
"I always had a fondness for that name, Victoria. It sounds regal in a way, yet still classically beautiful." He said, his voice soft over the engine of the train.   
  
"And you're…" Seras began, feeling rude for asking yet feeling ruder still if she kept referring to him as 'you'.   
  
"Jack Presnor."   
  
"Nice to meet you, Jack Presnor." Seras hoped she didn't have to supply her own last name. Keeping things on a first name basis was foreign enough to her. For the past year she had been called nothing more than 'Miss Victoria or Police-girl'. Having someone speak her name, if not her first, was different.   
  
The train sped on beneath them and Seras took the time to glance out the window as the country side blurred past them. Night was beginning to come upon them and the moon hung low in the sky looming above everything as if in threat. Perhaps it was best not to look at the countryside.   
  
"So where are you headed, Victoria?" Seras snapped back into reality and absent mindedly removed her bag from its perch on her lap and placed it on the floor by her feet.   
  
"Oh, my father's country home in Bath. It's not far from here but I thought it best to take the train then to drive. Seemed cheaper in the end."   
  
He nodded, his hair falling across his forehead at the action. He brushed it back without thought and shifted in his seat so he could glance out the window behind him. "I'm headed to Bath myself actually. Family business I suppose you could say." His face seemed to darken. "My sister has taken sick and unfortunately I'm the only family member left who gives a damn."   
  
"I'm sorry." Seras stated quietly. It seemed a stupid thing to say, but it was the only think she could think of at the moment. She wasn't used to human emotion, not with the people she was accustomed to working for.   
  
Jack turned back, a smile having erased his dark disposition. "I'm looking forward to it though. I've only been to Bath once before and found it to be most intriguing."   
  
"It's very homey." Seras found herself brightening at the open ability to be able to discuss the place she had loved to visit with her father when she was a child. "The country side is breathtaking and the shops are endless, Antiquities everywhere!" She laughed. "I remember so much of it now." Her voice trailed of as her father's face replaced her fuzzy image of the city she remembered as a little girl. He had built the summer home for her mother as a place to go to after the pregnancy. She never did get to see it. She had died giving birth to Seras and had little more than a photograph to dream of it. Seras still had the photograph, somewhere, mixed in with all her old things. All the things she had lost when Alucard had sired her and brought her to the Hellsing organization. After that all her old effects were lost.   
  
"It sounds lovely." Jack said, his voice an attempt at comfort to her. She glanced up and saw him watching her curiously.   
  
"Are you taking a vacation or moving to the country side?" He inquired.   
  
Seras pushed her bag about her feet nervously. "Um, I guess you could call it a kind of vacation. I might be staying permanently if I manage to settle in." She stopped playing with the bag.   
  
"Work finally gotten to you?" He laughed again. "Happens to the best of us. Sometimes a vacation is just what you need to put everything into perspective."   
  
"Yes, it is."   
  
"Let me guess. I bet you had one of those ridiculously difficult jobs. Like working in a crime lab, or maybe studying the effects of planetary movements on human behavior."   
  
Seras laughed, the image of her wielding a telescope as a weapon against Alucard coming to mind. Amusing thought really. "God no," She laughed again. "I did actually do challenging work though. I helped wipe out FREAK—"She stopped, realizing how close she was to revealing the truth of her identity and the purpose of her organization. She stuttered hopelessly to come up with an excuse to cover her slip. "Freak…crack…addicts. I was a cop. Am, a cop." She laughed nervously.   
  
"Of course! I can see you roaming the streets at night, protecting the innocent and bringing justice to the wicked."   
  
"Right  
  
Bringing justice to the wicked, protecting the innocent. She was the wicked, and there was no innocence left in this world to protect. Since when did she have such a cynical view on life? Damn Alucard. It was always Alucard.   
  
"Alucard," She whispered, closing her eyes briefly. She felt him, not nearby but in the distance, as if he were part of her soul that always hovered near her. She felt his acute anger, his constant desire to torture something and a faint trace of something she couldn't quite identify. Sadness? She opened her eyes. No, that was a human emotion, reserved only for those with a soul. Alucard had no soul.   
  
"Excuse me?"   
  
Seras jerked upright. Did she just say that aloud?   
  
"I-sorry I was drifting again wasn't I? It's a good thing I wasn't around anything breakable." Nervous laugh.   
  
"No you just said a name. Alu…card?"   
  
Oh great God she did say it out loud. Great this was just great. She might as well just tell him everything about Hellsing and its secret vampire weapon right now! In fact she should have started the conversation with 'hello my name is Seras Victoria and I'm a vampire sired by the strongest vampire in the world, would you like a cup of tea with that shocked expression?' She sighed. This secret identity thing was getting ridiculous.   
  
"Boss."   
  
"Pardon?"  
  
"He's my…boss. I mean, I work for him. I was just thinking about how mad he's going to be that I left."   
  
He stared at her. "You mean you didn't tell your boss you were leaving?"   
  
She scoffed. "No!" Oh. Yeah that probably wasn't the best thing to say. Ok explanation needed fast. "I mean, well, I left him a note. He's known for awhile that I might take off." Bad again. "Leave." Still bad. "Take vacation time." There we go. "It's no biggie." And we have regressed to the level of a 13 year old girl.   
  
"I see. Well as long as you weren't running away or anything. I'd hate to be an accomplice to a crime." Jack grinned. "Though that would make my life a load more exciting."   
  
"I could do for less excitement right about now," she said. "In fact it would be great to never have excitement for the rest of my life. I myself prefer the simply quiet life. Hence the vacation." She gestured to the grassy area outside.   
  
"Completely understandable." He opened his mouth to say something more when the train gave a sudden lurch that forced both of them to grab onto their sturdy sitting areas. "Damn," he swore, "what happened to easing into the downshift?"   
  
Seras nodded, forcing herself to her feet the train's engine rumbled to a stop. She reached down and picked up her bag, throwing it over her shoulder as Jack opened the door to the cabin for her and they mingled into the mass of people exiting the train. As soon as her feet hit the ground, Seras began walking quickly to the mouth of the train station. She felt him come up behind her before he was within a few feet of her. She stopped, turning and managing to side step as he flew past her completely unprepared for her abrupt halt.   
  
"Whoa!"   
  
She reached out and grabbed his collar, stopping his momentum and twirling him about to face her.   
  
"Yes?" She asked, her face open, her foot tapping impatiently. It wasn't like the man wasn't nice, in fact she had quite enjoyed his company on the train. But she had a load of things to do and having this man follow her about really wouldn't help in getting them done.   
  
"I just…how did you know I was there?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck where she had gripped.   
  
Seras started. Damn, I hate coming up with explanations for something that should be inherently obvious to lie about.   
  
"I heard you." She stated simply. "Now if you'll please excuse me," she turned her back on him to leave but stopped when he called to her.   
  
"Victoria!" Sweat was on his brow as if he had had to run to keep up with her brisk pace. "I just wanted to say…" he stuck out his hand. "It was nice to meet you."   
  
Seras started at his hand, then at his face, then at his hand. Was this man completely insane? He had just raced after a complete stranger in the middle of a train station to say it was nice to have met you? She would never understand men.   
  
Regardless, she took his hand and shook, careful of her vampiric strength that she didn't crush it. "It was nice to meet you too." With that she turned on her heel and left him there, her mind engrossed in the tasks ahead. She had many things to do and right now the one taking the highest precedence was getting out of this damned train station. She really hated train stations.   
  
- So sorry for the wait. College tends to beat down the resolve of its students. Lately I've had enough essays, term papers and research papers to kill a small country. Or at least my creative resolve. Hence the wait. But ah hah! I foiled them again and am now up with another complete chapter! *dances* yay! So I hope you enjoyed it. It all came out basically in one sitting so I apologize for its shortness. But I actually have a plan, a very good plan mind you, of where this story is going. So stick with it kids, it's about to get QUITE interesting. *evil Alucard grin* - 


	6. Blood in wine

"Why does the eye see a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination when awake?"  
  
- Leonardo da vinci  
  
***  
  
Count one, count two, oh God, count three, count four, this is not working, count…where was she? "Ugh," Seras breathed, her stomach turning like a sick carnival ride. "I need to get out of this cab."   
  
"What was that missy?" The voice floated back to her over the din of jazz and smoke that had drifted into the windows from the dirt road. /I swear to God if this car bounces one more time I'm either going to throw up or bite the driver for being so damn cheery/   
  
"Ugh." She moaned again, her stomach mimicking a Fred Astare and Ginger Rodgers performance at the idea of feeding. This was really getting ridiculous.   
  
"Stop here." Seras ordered, her voice louder and grainer than she had intended. The cab came to an instantaneous halt, throwing her forward and causing a large dust cloud to fill the back of the car. Coughing, she opened the door and fumbled out, grabbing her bag behind her and throwing it a few feet away into a grassy knoll.   
  
"That'll be 10." The driver said, tapping his fingers to the jazzy tune of "Moonlight Serenade" by the Glenn Miller orchestra.   
  
Seras paid him, managing to sidestep just as the cab sped away in a stronger dust cloud then before, leaving her in a hysterical coughing fit and dirtier than she was after most Hellsing missions.   
  
"I hate taxi drivers." She hacked out, gasping at the clean air as the cloud dissipated. As soon as she was able to see without squinting, Seras picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder preparing herself for the two mile trek to her destination. If she remembered correctly, it would be about a mile and a half past the horse stable and half a mile after the broken white fence that used to house the previous neighbors horses. But all of that was a long time ago, years, and she wasn't even sure that anything would still be the same as she had remembered it.   
  
Well it was good to know the neighbors, though new now, still had the notion that staring at people passing by was a long lost hobby. Then again it probably seemed odd for a small blond girl carrying a ragged duffle bag and clad in dirty jeans and a shabby sweater to be just idly passing by their dirt road farm house. Normalcy was big in this part of the country. It wasn't so much that everyone knew everyone, that was pretty much a given, but that they made it a distinct point to try to delve into everyone's deep dark hidden past. It got kind of annoying after the seventh neighbor showed up at your door with an apple pie and a smile saying, "I'm just welcoming you to the neighborhood! It's so nice to see new people moving in." And then stare up at your for five minutes until you awkwardly invited them in for a cup of coffee you hadn't intended on making anyway. And it was then that the questions began. "where are you from?" "Oh what a lovely daughter you have! She's simply stunning. Is she from your previous marriage?" "How many times have you been divorced?" "Or we're just a simple neighborhood. Wouldn't want any trouble in such a decent town like this. Have you ever been in prison?"  
  
Seras sighed at the memory. She hoped there wouldn't be any sudden apple pie visits while she stayed here. The road seemed to stretch an impossible distance before her and she glanced to her right to read the number on the closest mail box. 714-98. Damnit. It would be a good 2 miles before she got to her father's summer home. Thoughts of Hellsing popped into her mind before she could push them off. It was a shame that she had never had the chance to say goodbye to Walter. After the incident with Alucard she had been so anxious to get the hell out as soon as possible that she had done little else other than pack her things and head for the nearest train station. He was probably wondering where she had run off to, if Integra hadn't already informed him. In a way she hoped that Integra had kept the information to herself; it would only add to her guilt if Walter worried himself about her. After all he was the only member of Hellsing aside from herself who still seemed to have some kind of a soul.   
  
Integra, though strongly devoted to her job and its cause, was a workaholic who thought of little else other than her duties and ordering Alucard around. Sometimes Seras wondered what Integra would have been like had her father never died and left her the Hellsing estate.   
  
/Would she be kind of like me?/   
  
Probably not.   
  
Though most of her natural life had been weighed down by the burden of destroying demons and ordering a sadistic vampire to do her bidding, Seras guessed that even without the pressures of Hellsing Integra would have grown up to be about the same person she was today. Stubborn, non relenting, and a hell of an arguer. She commanded Alucard simply because she was strong enough and he subdued to her out of respect. It was something Seras would never understand. Their relationship would always be a mystery to her, if not an annoyance. It wasn't that she was jealous, what they chose to do in their private time was completely irrelevant to her. As long as they did their job she could care less if they had a hidden romantic relationship. The thought did turn her stomach slightly, if only at the thought of Integra having feelings. Integra's cool tactical approach to her life was something that ordered the respect of her troops as well as the slave she controlled.   
  
As well as the slave he controlled in turn.   
  
Seras frowned. Why was it that though Integra commanded his respect, Alucard always treated Seras as nothing more than an object in his possession? A toy he could order around but never allowed to reach his level. She would never be a threat to him if she couldn't reach him. It irritated her and infuriated her at the same time; how his master, a woman of equal strength and prowess to Seras still managed to be held on such a higher esteem then Seras herself. Were they not the same? Was Seras not as deserving of Alucard's respect as Integra?   
  
The entire situation was stupid and she didn't want to think about it anymore. There were many more things to be thought out right now, things more important and deserving of her attention then him. The sun seemed to break through the clouds at the exact moment her mind settled upon that thought. It cheered her up slightly, to think that though her world seemed to spin out of control around her, the elements would always remain constant. The sun would always be there, even though one day she would not.   
  
Seras stopped, gravel and dust drifting past her in the wind as she ceased her movements. 913-74  
  
This was it. The small red mailbox had become over run by ferns, but Seras managed to catch the number out of the corner of her eye. She removed the plants obscuring it from vision and placed her hand on the opening. The surface was cool to her touch as she gently removed the bits of dirt and fallen plant that marred its surface.   
  
She paused briefly before it before turning her gaze to the long neglected and slowly deteriorating place her mother had dreamed about. The once story blue house seemed out of place in the jungle that had grown around it since its owners had abandoned it. The paint had begun to chip slowly from the wood to reveal the worn pattern of the original structure beneath. The thatched roof remained intact, a fact which Seras nearly dropped to her knees to thank the gods for as replacing that would be an enormous pain in the ass, not to mention costly. Outside, with the exception of overgrown brush and shrubbery, seemed to be fairly well kept. Nothing appeared to be to the point of complete disrepair where it would need to be fully replaced. The inside, however, would be a completely different story.   
  
Seras sighed heavily and ducked under the low willow tree that obscured her path to the front door. Small rocks lined the pathway to the porch and she stumbled over a few in her haste to get inside. Dropping her bag beside her feet she reached out and gripped the dusty knob of the front door in her hand, her breath becoming heavy and labored. This was it; her mother's home. The home she was supposed to spend happy Christmas' with her loving family watching as she decorated the small fur tree. The home that was supposed to be shared with her mother. But her mother was dead, had died during child birth, and she never had and never would see this place; this home that had become a refuge in memories for Seras' father and a play adventure for a young Seras. They had been happy here, but her mother's presence was never fully gone even though it had never existed in this place to begin with.   
  
Seras opened her eyes and with a sharp intake of breathe, pulled her hand back and slammed it into the area just above the doorknob. The wood cracked and split, revealing a deep hole and effectively jarring the knob out of its place where it easily came off in her hand. With a slight push the door slid open beneath her palm and creaked to a halt as she crossed the threshold.   
  
Empty.   
  
Nothing of her old life still remained. The furnishings had been taken away and sold at auction when her father had died and the things that still belonged to her were either thrown out or given to neighbors when news of her own 'death' in Cheddar reached this far. /So does everyone think I'm dead? /   
  
Oh god. This is bad, very bad. What if a neighbor recognized her, knew who she was, remembered her face from when she was a child? The residents of the town had remained the same for years, someone was bound to recognize her and put two and two together. Did they know of her death? It would explain why her things were gone; either that or since she neglected to retrieve them after so long they had taken it upon themselves to remove them. Did that mean some of her father's things still existed? She would have to go into town tomorrow, speak to people and find out what they knew. If they recognized her then maybe they would have news of where her things had gone. If they knew she was dead…it would make things a lot trickier.   
  
Somehow she had managed to keep the house thanks to the salary Hellsing awarded her. Without it she would have lost the house long ago to bill collectors or greedy neighbors. Possibly both.   
  
She retrieved her bag from outside, glancing up at the sky as the sun began to dip low into the horizon. Had she really been standing there that entire time thinking about tax collectors and old belongings? Guess so. Heaving a sigh she closed the now broken door behind her and managed to wedge the latch just enough so that it wouldn't blow open in the wind or randomly pop out in the middle of the night. She would have to get a new door tomorrow. Not to mention furniture, food, lighting, and a telephone. This was just getting more annoying by the second. /If I'm going to live here it's going to take a hell of a long time to get all of this back to working order./ It was a thought that both excited and irritated her. Luckily she had saved everything she had ever received from Hellsing in the manor of wages and had secured herself a hefty amount of cash that would cover just about all of her expenses. Tomorrow she would go shopping. Tomorrow began to sound like a chore the more she thought about it and less like the exciting excursion on a new life she had envisioned it to be.   
  
Seras glanced out the tall glass windows that faced the east wall and watched as the sun dipped lower into the horizon until it was completely obstructed from her view, leaving only pale shimmers of orange and purple. She sat down in the middle of the room and curled her legs into her chest, hugging them as she closed her eyes in rest. It had been a long day's travel, emphasis on /day/. Normally she would have done just about everything she could to avoid going out in the day as it drained what remaining bits of energy she had left after her year and a half with Hellsing. Alucard had warned her not to go out during the day as it would only irritate her young fledgling skin and would cause her to become tired too quickly. He warned her that she would never be able to hunt that way if she pretended she was still human and foolishly wasted all of her vampiric energy trying to blend in with them during the day. Because Alucard was the one who sired her she was allowed more in the area of pure blood strength and could risk long bouts out in the sun without becoming completely drained or drawing attention unnecessarily. Even so long trips in broad daylight were not to be attempted lightly as she became sleepy much too quickly. As such, she was not only tired but also hungry. It had been hours since she had fed last and even that was only half a blood packet she had sipped before heading into the field.   
  
The black duffel bag beside her seemed to glint in the descending light as she glanced at it out of the corner of her eye. With nothing more than a mere seconds hesitation, she reached out and violently ripped the bag open, breaking the zipper in her haste to get to its contents. Within lay a meager amount of clothing which she quickly pushed aside to reveal a heavy amount of Hellsing blood packets. It had been the last thing she had done before quickly leaving the manner and she had even left a note apologizing to Walter for the missing packets. Integra had told her she was free to stock up on as much as she would need for the duration of her leave and Seras had taken it upon herself to do just that.   
  
Ripping open the seal she violently drank its contents before tossing the packet aside and wiping the excess from her mouth. She was still hungry, but one would have to do for now. If she wasted any more she would run out quicker than she had planned and getting blood in this town wasn't really an option.   
  
The light had now completely gone from the room leaving behind shadows that danced provocatively in the dim light of the moon. Seras' vision blurred from a combination of sleep deprivation and the sluggish feeling that came after feeding and before she could stop herself she had curled into a ball on the wooden floor, arms resting under her blond head as a pillow. Just as her eyes closed she thought she smelled the slightest hint of red wine. Was it the blood? She hadn't had any wine. There was no blood in wine.   
  
She was dreaming. A part of her knew this, but a part of her treated it as if the events were real, as if she were really standing in front of her father and the tall fur tree they decorated for the upcoming Christmas party. Had they ever had parties here?   
  
"This time is special, Seras." Her father spoke, his crooked smile flashing as he hung a glass ball high on the tree. Seras nodded.   
  
"I know. It's not very often that we get to entertain. I'm just not used to it, I guess." She hung a glass ball high on the tree. He bent down to open the box of ornaments and pulled out another glass ball which he handed to her before bending back down to retrieve another.   
  
"Do they always have to be glass?" She asked.   
  
"Yes. They break easily that way." He answered, coming up with two new ornaments. One red, the other black. "Things are better when they break easily. They must be treated with respect, kindness, and the uttermost care. Once they break, there's no way to get them back."   
  
Seras nodded again. She knew this, he had told her before. When? When had he told her about glass ornaments and things that break easily?   
  
"What if they're too strong to break?" she asked, taking the black one from his hands and holding it in her own. It was heavy and spun in her grasp as she held it from its bow.   
  
He still held the red ball in his left hand, his blue eyes boring into hers as he smiled the same awkward grin Seras had inherited. "Everything can be broken, Victoria. It's just a matter of finding its weak point."   
  
Seras hung the black ball low on the tree. She turned back to her father who still held the red object in his left hand. She watched it for a moment before reaching out her hand to take it. He gave it to her willingly but not before clasping her hand in his own. "Remember that all things can be broken, even him."   
  
The rotating stopped as soon as it touched her hand. It felt cold in her grip. "No," she responded, her voice low and full of scorn. "He's not made of glass."   
  
"You're important to him."   
  
"A slave is nothing more than an object."   
  
"You think that's what you are, a slave?"  
  
"I'm certainly not a lover."   
  
"Is that what you'd like to be?"   
  
"I…don't want to be anything to him." Her eyes were closed. The red ornament was still in her right hand. His left hand wrapped around hers.   
  
He was going to hug her. She could feel his breath on her face.   
  
"Is that what you want?" His voice was lower, harsher, more defined. It wasn't her father who held her now. She wanted to open her eyes to see his face but found that she couldn't. The object in her right hand was beginning to burn.  
  
"Would you stay," he whispered. That voice. Lips against her ear. "If you were my lover?"   
  
She gasped. Her eyes opened and the ornament fell, burning to the ground. It shattered, and the light of the world went out. His eyes were so red. "Police girl."   
  
She sat up violently. The stinging feeling in her hand remained but she couldn't make much of anything out against the pressing darkness of the room. Her vampire eyes should have adjusted to the lack of light but they needed more than the two seconds she had given them to do so. Standing shakily, she made her way into the kitchen and searched through the cupboards, banging doors open and closed awkwardly before coming across a box of matches and a lone votive candle. The smell of sulfur permeated the room as she struck the match and blew it out, leaving the small glow of the candle to light the room as she moved back into the living room. She pushed the door open and stepped out onto the porch, leaning back into the sturdy surface of the house as she closed the door behind her. The light of the candle flickered as a gentle breeze blew past and Seras shielded it with the palm of her hand to keep it from extinguishing. The air felt nice on her warm face and she took a moment to breath before looking up at the moon that was now just above her head. Her heart dropped. It was red. The same reddish moon that loomed above her as Alucard changed her in that small chapel in Cheddar.   
  
"Alucard," Seras breathed without intention. She knew it was dangerous to speak to him, or even to speak his name to the wind. She had no doubt he knew where she was, knew of her intentions. Speaking his name was almost like summoning him before her and that could not happen. If she saw him now she wouldn't be strong enough to refuse him. The air around her seemed to shift and Seras jumped, her back grazing the wooden door. She stood completely still, her breathe coming to a halt as she waited. Nothing. He didn't materialize in front of her. He didn't pop out of no where to torment and accuse her. He didn't and he wasn't going to.   
  
/Because he doesn't know you're here, you bloody moron. And he isn't going to, just so long as you don't go whispering his name into dark alleys and conjuring up images of yourself in bed with him./   
  
She breathed, her face turning red involuntarily. Had she really thought that? The dream of her father flared into her mind so suddenly it was almost painful. Why had her father become her master? And what did the Christmas tree have to do with anything? Better yet, why the hell was she dreaming of Alucard in—  
  
No. She wasn't going to finish that sentence. There would be no thoughts of Alucard and his lips and her lips and lips of any kind. Seras looked around, feeling as if she should hide her thoughts from intruders. As if he were still there, listening to her thoughts.   
  
With that she backed into the house, closing the door quietly behind her.   
  
***   
  
And we cry. That took soooooooooooooooooooooooooo long to write, I don't even want to talk about it. Let me just say I apologize to all of you who were looking forward to updates a long ass time ago. I have a pretty good outline of where to go with this story but I got lazy and well…laziness tends to consume. So I'm hoping I've gotten past the basic boring points and can now move on to the more exciting parts that I really want to write. Yeah, this chapter was kind of dumb so I apologize for that as well. I'm just a big apologizing geek. So anyway, stay tuned. Thing should get interesting soon-ish. Oh yeah and the dream part is kind of screwy. It's supposed to be slightly repetitive so please don't accuse me of sucking at the English language. Cause dat wuld be baddde. 


	7. I tried to still see with black eyes

"I'm waiting for something else / I've already lost myself / this day is descending / the flower is bending / and I tried to believe in these lies / I tried to still see with black eyes / I wanted to tame you but / you never came through"  
  
-Remy Zero, "Bitter"  
  
***  
  
They were coming for her. Her men were already dead and they were coming for her. She had to fend them off; she had to take them down. She had to avenge her fallen comrades. How had this happened? Hadn't Integra known that this was all a setup? How stupid could a commanding officer be to lead them into destruction? Gunfire ran out suddenly, illuminating the hall around her for a quick second. The light allowed her to see the bodies of Hellsing's soldiers strewn awkwardly down the entire length of the corridor. Some were headless, most limbless, and a few were gutted entirely, their entrails adorning the walls like streamers at a party.   
  
This wasn't a party. It was a massacre.   
  
She was the child of a No Life King and she couldn't stop this. Instead of defending what was left of her men she was forced to cower in a dark corner of a hidden hallway as her precious immortal blood fled from her body to join that of the mortal men around her. That was when she began to cry.   
  
The blood tears flowed from her eyes to mingle with the blood already adorning her face. Her hands came up to cradle her head as her body curled in on itself in response to the recent gunfire sounding through the din hall. This had to stop.  
  
/Make it stop/  
  
It wasn't going to stop. They were all dead. And they were coming for her.   
  
/Make it stop/   
  
Her small body rocked back and forth as the sobs drained the last vestiges of her strength. Alucard would not come. Integra would not risk losing the one remaining vampire left in her company. He wasn't as expendable as she. The fledgling, the child, the worthless plaything created by a wicked master.   
  
Her sobbing stopped. The tears were next. A red haze dropped over her vision as she forced herself to stand, her body suddenly feeling numb and complacent. She picked up her gun and moved, her footsteps echoing eerily in the hallway now left in the company of the dead. A flash of light danced through the open hallway quickly, lasting no longer then the blink of an eye. It ended. Seven bodies hit the floor in quick succession. She kept walking, dropping the used cartridge of her gun next to the headless corpse of a man she had once shared dinner with.   
  
None of it mattered to her now. Her arm came up and drew the gun with it. She fired. The silver bullet plowed from her magazine and lodged itself between the eyes of a vampire that had tried to sneak by her. It blew the top of her head off to stain the ugly green wall. It would match perfectly with the mortal blood of her men.   
  
"In the name of God!" she shouted, her voice bouncing along the walls and down the corridor. The gunfire stopped.   
  
Seras Victoria jerked awake, her right arm catching against the duffel bag full of blood bags that lay under her head like a pillow. The room tilted as she sat up, the memory of the dream still present in her mind. She began to shake. God, why had she dreamt of that again? Would it ever stop? They were dead; there was nothing she could do about it. She was as far away from Hellsing as was physically possible and yet she could never separate herself from the memories of it. Her men, all of them, were dead. Dead, because someone had messed up and sent them into a slaughter house all the while expecting her to be able to protect them when something went wrong. After all, it was her duty as a Hellsing officer, as a child of a No Life King; as a vampire.   
  
They forgot that parts of her were still human and that she too could feel pain. She wasn't invincible like Alucard. No, not yet.   
  
Her hand came up to wipe the sweat from her brow just as a loud knock sounded through the empty living room. Seras jumped and quickly scrambled to her feet. The knock came again and Seras moved toward the door to answer it, the fuzzy feeling in her head receding with each step. Light had begun to seep into the cracks of the room and she stepped around it almost out of habit, though she knew she would be able to withstand such a small portion of it easily. Seras reached the door and pulled it open to find a short pot-bellied man bearing a package in his arms. She had a quick flash of Santa Clause greeting her in a UPS uniform with a sack of presents and a sadistic grin before the man thrust the package at her and asked her to sign the attached form. Seras wiped the image from her mind and did as he asked before thanking him and stepping back into her kitchen and closing the door behind.   
  
A UPS man at her house? At this time of day? The pink rays of the sun hung around the sky which told her that it couldn't be any later then 6 in the evening. No wonder she was still sleepy. The package was no bigger then a shoe box and wrapped in the standard brown shipping paper. The name on the bill read "Ms. Seras Victoria" and was full of a number of stamps and stickers from various places throughout Europe. The package must have bounced around from place to place before finally reaching her here. There was no return address.   
  
Odd, no one had ever sent her anything before. Because she was legally considered dead, all mail that should have been transferred to her after her father's death was disposed of.   
  
By all standards, she, as well as her family, no longer existed. Seras tore off the brown wrapping, her small fingers making quick of the thin paper. Too eager to find what was inside, she tore the corner of the box off with the last bit of paper. She flipped it over.   
  
A photo album.   
  
A bright picture of Seras' mother in her wedding dress smiled back at her, her eyes an impossibly bright shade of blue. She had the same blond hair as Seras, only it was longer and thin with wispy bangs that framed her heart shaped face. In a few years this is what Seras may have looked like, had she still been able to age. She would have looked like her mother.   
  
Seras stroked the image with her fingers, trailing them along the lines of her mother's face. All she had now were pictures. Her father had only allowed Seras to see one image of her mother, a picture of her on a white sail boat that he had kept hidden in his drawer. He had no home videos to show her; no love letters to pass on to her that they had once shared. He hadn't even allowed her to keep a picture of her mother in the house. Any thought or memory of her was too painful. He shut her out as if she had abandoned them, as if she had wanted to die and leave him alone to raise a child.   
  
Seras stopped staring and flipped open the book to look at the rest of the pictures. It was fairly thin, most photographs being of Seras and her father on hunting trips or parties. Some were of her graduation, and one or two of birthday parties long past. The wedding photo was the only image of her mother left.   
  
She closed it the book, putting it gently aside on the kitchen counter before walking back into the other room to pick up her bag. She was going to need picture frames to put them in and that would require a visit to town. With a resigned glance behind her shoulder at the small album resting on the counter, she continued into the other room.   
  
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Authors Note: Whoa, sorry it's been so long since I last updated. I've had this chapter sitting around for awhile and just haven't gotten around to posting it. Well actually there was originally more to the chapter but I've been getting so many emails to update that I figured I would take the longer half and post it as a solitary chapter. So that is the reason for the shortness. I'm very glad that you guys care enough to harass me into getting my butt moving on this story. Without you it would just sit in the barren wasteland of my computer. So thank you for the encouraging reviews, and please feel free to continue kicking me in the ass to update. 


	8. Some kinds of love

Pre-story Author Note: I just wanted to say thanks to Thess who informed me of my blatant historical inaccuracy in regards to Seras' past. This is an unfortunate cause of not having access to the complete volumes of Hellsing manga. Yes, blame the slow translators. I do. As of now I won't be changing the issue of how Seras' parents died simply because it would take far too long and give me a giant re-writing headache. Perhaps one day, when I'm hyped up on a lot of caffeine and feel the need to revise. As of now, I apologize if it seems wacky. Anyway, I'll shut up. Onward!   
  
------------------------------------------  
  
"Some kinds of love / Marguerita told Tom / like a dirty French novel / the absurd courts the vulgar / and some kinds of love / the possibilities are endless / and for me to miss one / would seem to be groundless"  
  
-The Velvet Underground   
  
***  
  
"Are you sure I can't help you miss?" The woman behind the counter at the FotoImages shop had an irish accent. She also had a tendency to harass her customers, mainly Seras, for an apparent need to busy herself. For the fourth time since entering the shop Seras politely declined and shuffled her way into the back of the store to escape the pointed stare of the sales lady. Maybe if she stayed in a dark corner the woman would find another customer to ask repeated questions of. Not that it was exactly easy to escape anyone in such a store considering its small size. Neatly placed between a book store and a coffee shop, the trinket and photo frame shop was the last stop of Seras' long shopping excursion.   
  
She picked up a small wooden frame and turned it over in her hands contemplating whether or not to buy another. She had enough now, and it would be pointless to add another to the collection. Seras looked over her shoulder and caught the pointed stare of the brunette Irish woman behind the counter who immediately looked away. Then again, if she didn't buy anything the woman would most likely keep following her as if Seras were some insecure teenage girl looking for a quick thrill in shoplifting. Seras looked down at the object in her hands and smirked watching as the image reflected in the mirror smirked with her. As if it would be so difficult to steal a picture frame. Then again, who would want to? It really wasn't that nice looking anyway.   
  
Seras put the frame back on its shelf and stepped back, planning to make a hasty exit from the stuffy shop and the accusatory stare of its current owner. Just as she stepped back into the small but amiable flow of people flitting around she stepped on something hard and stumbled slightly, the bag in her arm falling to the ground as she attempted to keep her footing. The object just so happened to be a person who let out a rather shrill—"OW!" before pushing against her shoulder to remove her weight from their foot. Seras, now completely embarrassed at the attention they were receiving from the milling customers, jumped a good foot backward, grabbing her bag up off the floor and righting herself all in one quick movement.   
  
This was followed shortly by her rambling incoherently. "I'm SO sorry! Oh God, are you alright? I really didn't mean that I just wasn't paying attention and you were kind of right there and all and there really wasn't any way around it and if I hurt you,"   
  
"That seems to be the case whenever I'm around you, Ms. Victoria."   
  
Seras shut up and snapped her head up to meet the now amused voice of the person she had previously injured. "Jack?" She shouted, her not so subtle voice decibel causing two angry women with large sacks in their arms to stare at her harshly. Seras lowered her voice, stepped forward, and grabbed Jack's arm, pulling him into a small side section of the store. A wall of glass ornaments separated them from being spotted by the rest of the store and Seras hunched her head down to avoid being seen by anyone taller then her current hiding spot.   
  
"What are you doing here?" Seras hissed. She let go of his arm once he stopped squirming and bowed his head low enough to be level with her own.   
  
"Well I was shopping for a picture frame to send to my aunt before you so pointedly crushed my big toe. Why are we whispering?" He asked, his voice dropping to accommodate hers.   
  
"I," She stopped. Why the hell was she whispering anyway? It only made them seem more foolish then they already did. She shifted her weight to her left foot and looked at a brown stain on the floor near the backdoor. "I didn't want that woman to think I was trying to steal something." Well now that wasn't an idiotic answer.   
  
He looked at her for a long moment before bursting into laughter, his brown eyes twinkling in the false lighting of the store. Seras blinked, surprised at this, before pushing him roughly with the palm of her hand until they were out of their little hiding spot and back into the open.   
  
"And you didn't think hiding behind the display case of glass ornaments and teddy bears would make you that much more conspicuous?" he asked, his laughter finally ceasing.   
  
Seras sighed. Well now that he said it out loud it sounded stupid. But at the time hiding had seemed like the best course of action after such a large interruption in the otherwise quiet store. Wait. He had startled her in the middle of a busy London shop and she had reacted by pulling him down into a corner and hiding. She had been working for Hellsing for way too long.   
  
"Jesus," she muttered. She covered her face with her hands and took a deep breathe. He wasn't here to ambush her with a rifle and a pack of undead friends. She didn't have to hide in a corner and wait to kill him. It had all sounded so smart in her head.  
  
"Look, I didn't mean to startle you." He amended, putting his hand on her elbow to coax her hands away from her face. "It's just that having your toe stepped on is a rather painful experience and usually requires some kind of loud outburst."   
  
Seras pulled her hands away from her face and laughed, knowing full well how red her complexion must be right now. This just couldn't get any more awkward.   
  
"Excuse me, miss?"   
  
Or maybe it could.   
  
The woman who had formerly stared at her so nonchalantly was now approaching them at full speed, her small legs somehow managing to carry her a respectable distance toward them. Crap, she needed to get out of this fast. She wasn't sure why but dealing with the store clerk didn't seem like such a good idea at just this moment. Without thinking, Seras grabbed Jack's arm and roughly pulled him further into the back, their quick footsteps sounding like mad drum beats as they made their way toward the back door. Just as Seras pulled on the knob she heard the sound of the store clerk abruptly running toward them, her vague shouts of "Hey! Excuse me, get back here!" ignored fully by Seras and Jack as they flung themselves through the small wooden door and into the night air. From there Seras ushered a confused yet silent Jack through the remaining crowd of people and into the dark confines of a back alley nearly two blocks down.   
  
The sprint had apparently taken its toll on Jack as he hunched over to regain his breath, trying vainly to gasp out angry phrases to a completely unaffected Seras.   
  
"What….why….the….hell….did we just….run from…that…store clerk?" He managed between gasps for air.   
  
Seras, having been looking around the corner for any sign of the authorities trailing them, had missed his winded comment. "What?" She asked as he finally righted himself.   
  
He gestured angrily over her shoulder. "Why did you just make me an accomplice in some weird picture frame shoplifting scheme?"   
  
Seras blinked. "What shoplifting scheme?" She hadn't been shoplifting. That woman had just thought she was. "Oh." She muttered, finally realizing how her running away must have seemed to him as well as to the poor store clerk. "I guess running away wasn't really the best course of action was it?" She let out an awkwardly placed laugh.   
  
Jack stared at her, open mouthed and clearly frustrated. "You mean we just ran from that store because you didn't want to deal with the store clerk?"   
  
"Well," Seras said slowly, now feeling like a complete dolt. "Pretty much, yeah."   
  
"Great, that's just great. Now the entire North Side thinks we either just murdered someone in that shop, or we just fled a crime a scene. That's just great." He growled.  
  
Seras ducked her head. It was really nothing new to be receiving a reprimand for one of her stupid stunts, but it was different having it come from a near stranger. She knew the feeling of Alucard's anger when it was directed toward her, and she was all too familiar with the feeling it left reverberating in her chest. He made her feel ashamed and worthless as if she meant nothing more to him then a stray dog he was forced to look after. In those moments she wasn't a human being--she was an object he was quickly growing tired of maintaining.   
  
"I'm sorry," she muttered. 'Master' rested on the tip of her tongue but she bit it back. And then just as quickly, her desire to be forgiven and accepted vanished and she was left with only the anger and hurt that came from being humiliated. She straightened her back, looked him straight in the eye and said, "No. I'm not sorry."   
  
Jack blinked, one eyebrow raised in surprise. She knew he didn't want her apology, and he most likely didn't care if she took it back afterward. After all, he had just met her. She didn't owe him anything. No, this wasn't meant for Jack. It was meant for her master. If she was going to become strong, she needed to learn to stop apologizing for who she was. One day she would be a No Life King just the same as Alucard and she would have no one to answer to and no to listen to her apologies. She needed to do this.   
  
"I'm not sorry that I ran from that store." She said, and was proud to hear strength in her voice. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. But I am sorry if I embarrassed or," she made note of his irregular breathing. "Or if I hurt you." She shook her head. "I guess it was kind of stupid. But that woman was really starting to piss me off."   
  
He looked surprised for a moment longer before the corner of his mouth twitched and turned upward. He laughed and ran a hand through his curly hair. "Yeah she was a bit of a pain, wasn't she? Oh well. I suppose we gave her quite a shock when we bolted from her store like that."   
  
So he wasn't really angry after all. Seras sighed, relieved that she didn't have to elaborate on what she was and wasn't sorry for doing. For a moment she felt lighter. It was strange how that one little moment had made her feel so powerful and in control. She wondered how she had never stood up for herself before.   
  
A cold chill blew past and Seras looked instinctively behind her, her eyes searching. She knew he wasn't going to be there when she looked just as he was never there when she cried in the night. He was never there, and he wasn't going to be. Seras set her jaw and turned back to Jack who was now looking at her curiously. She smiled at him and took his arm, leading him out of the alley and back into the open street.   
  
***  
  
Sometime during the course of the evening, he had thought she was inviting him home with her. Seras cringed inwardly, not knowing how to get out of the situation gracefully. As she hailed a taxi he tried to enter the cab after her but she stuck her foot on the ledge, leveling her knee with the door handle. The stunt prevented him from entering the cab without having to disengage her entire lower body from the doorframe. Needless to say, he didn't seem up to such a stint at eleven o'clock in the evening. Confusion flashed across his features briefly before settling back into a look of amused awareness.   
  
"Good night then, Victoria."   
  
She smiled up at him, watching as his hand fumbled in his pocket nervously. She was about to thank him and say goodbye when he stopped the door from closing with his hand and dropped something into her lap with the other.   
  
"It's a business card," He told her before she could even look. She picked it up and scrutinized it for a moment before smiling curtly at him. "It has my number on it. Just, uh, feel free to call me if you ever need anything. House work, guard dog…" he trailed off and began to bounce on the heels of his feet.   
  
"Thank you, Jack. I'll be sure to call if I need anything." And with that she gently nudged the door closed, nodding at the driver to leave. They pulled into traffic and Seras turned her head briefly to watch as Jack stepped away from the cab and back onto the sidewalk. She watched him walk away before she crumpled the card in her hand and tossed it on the floor of the cab.   
  
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Author's note: Hey! Another pointless chapter! Sorry about that. I know it may feel like it isn't going anywhere right now, but it is. I swear. Unfortunately a solid background must be built before we can get to any of the good stuff. Plans for the next chapter are goodin's. Hope you stick around. 


	9. Wanted so desperately to prove

Do you even know what goes on in a heart anymore? / Constellations turned into little Polaroid's in a cardboard box / And I wanted so desperately to prove / You were still breathing / But you wouldn't move  
  
-Beth Orton "This one's gonna bruise"   
  
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The day had been a long one. To Integra's vast annoyance, it was also not yet complete. The sun had only just begun to set in the distance which meant that she still had a good four to five hours of restlessly organizing her now completed paper work before she could allow sleep to overcome her. This in mind she sat back rigidly in her chair and began to dutifully organize the two stacks of paper work on either side of her.   
  
As she pushed a stack of orders from the Vatican aside her hand brushed the corner of her desk calendar, her pinky finger obscuring a half-scribbled note written under May 17th. With noted interest, Integra removed her hand and pushed aside the papers that covered the remainder of the calendar.   
  
May 17th   
  
"Seras Victoria's return from granted leave."  
  
Directly under it, in a smaller caption read,   
  
"Cancellation upon further absence"  
  
Integra stared at the small note which had apparently been jotted down by her in haste. The lettering was small and almost unintelligible. Further inspection of the calendar revealed that today's date was in fact, May 6th. This being, Ms. Victoria had little more then a week to return herself to Hellsing's care per Integra's orders, or she would be cancelled.   
  
Integra lifted a cigar from her box and lit it, watching as some of the embers fell and burned a hole next to the red lettering of Seras Victoria's name. She had given her more then enough time to be free of this organization. If she needed more time to get herself together, well, that wasn't Integra's problem. There were other ways to recover that didn't involve the expending of Hellsing's resources. Victoria may have been a special case to Hellsing but that didn't allow her special treatments. Alucard had never been allowed such leniency.   
  
As if in response to her thought the black void beside her desk shifted and Integra watched with veiled grievance as a red cloaked figure phased through. She should have been expecting that.   
  
"I'm flattered to know you have me in your thoughts, Master." His chuckle seemed almost to sound behind her and Integra shifted uncomfortably.   
  
"I was thinking of your fledgling, the now released Victoria, actually." She snapped irritably. If she had been aggravated before, her temper was now reaching uncommon proportions.   
  
Integra snubbed out the cigar in her left hand, barely registering that she had been smoking it in the first place. Perhaps it would be better if she rested after all. The thought seemed to amuse Alucard as he picked up on it and Integra looked up just in time to see a fang bite into his lower lip. The leader of Hellsing stood and opened her mouth to snappishly tell him where he could stick that ridiculous grin of his but found herself instead swaying dangerously on her feet.   
  
This was no good. She was no use to her organization if she couldn't even stand properly. Integra clenched her jaw and breathed harshly through her nose in an attempt to make the world stop swaying so abruptly about her.   
  
"Alucard," she breathed grittily through her teeth, "I have no time for argument." She closed her eyes. "Please, go away."   
  
"You were speaking of my fledgling." He spoke, his tone serious.   
  
Integra forced her eyes open and met his gaze once more. "I was /thinking/ of your fledgling. You were invading my thoughts, once again." She added, the tone of her voice sharpening and then wavering. It was annoying to be losing such control, control she depended on to get her through her daily tasks; control she needed to show to restrain a vampire king of his standing.   
  
Whatever her reasoning for not showing weakness in front of the monster she had come, unfortunately, to rely on, she needed rest above all things and at the moment he was the only availability to assist her.   
  
"She doesn't have much time left," Integra spoke. She opened her eyes and tensed her jaw as the world did not cease its repetitive shifting. "If she doesn't return soon—"   
  
"I know." Alucard responded lowly. She wasn't sure whether she had angered him or caused him some kind of pain, as the tone in his voice was unrecognizable to her. She knew that if she could just look at him, she would know the answer but her head would not follow her command to move it upward. She was, as Walter had annoyingly stated a hundred times, exhausted.   
  
Before she could step any further, a cool hand wrapped itself around her arm and guided her out from behind her desk. Neither spoke as his red clad arm silently wound itself through her own and he began to lead her stiff and tired form from the room.   
  
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Author's Note: Sorry for the slight cop-out chapter, but the next one is severely kicking my ass and is consuming quite a bit of my time in notes alone. Hope you 're all still staying with it. - 


	10. My soul's worn thin

"Too much walkin', shoes worn thin / too much trippin' and my soul's worn thin / time to catch a ride / it leaves today, her name is what it means / too much walkin', shoe's worn thin" -Stone Temple Pilots, Big Empty  
  
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It was midnight, and it reminded her of him. For this reason alone, she was awake and moving, her bare feet making soft scuffling noises on the cold wood floor as she moved. With a quiet shuffle and a low click she had walked through the door and closed it cleanly behind her, the feel of open night air brushing gently against the back of her neck as she turned. On nights like these she felt the loneliness at its fullest. Nights when the moon hung low and red in the sky, glistening softly under her heightened senses. For the past month she had been able to breathe without the constricting feeling of regret in the lower pit of her stomach. For a month the angry wound in her neck had ceased its constant throbbing and she could finally get to sleep just as early light spread across the horizon. For a month she was safe and away. But she wasn't free.  
  
Seras knew this and it was with this thought in mind that she snuck through her house late at night and met with the quiet sounds of the night that had become her mistress since her release. She breathed deeply and looked up at the moon, wrapping her pale legs closer to her chest as she took a seat on the porch swing. She was aware that her time here was running out. There was no doubt in her mind, no matter how otherwise occupied, that Integra would come after her. And Seras knew that when they did, it wouldn't be to retrieve her. If Seras chose to stay here, to not comply to Integra's one demand, that the leader of Hellsing would not fall back on the strict code that bound her. With all of this in mind, Seras sat, forming a smooth pattern of motion on the swing, her gaze still locked on the moon.  
  
Still, she wasn't afraid to make her choice. And her choice was to stay where she was. A small part of her was afraid of what would happen when Integra sent her soldiers. Would she fight, would she kill the men she had once fought side-by-side with? Or would she allow them to kill her? It was possible, after all. She may be a vampire, a child of a no-life king, but she was not one herself. Alucard had not given his precious blood to her, and she had refused it when he tried to force it upon her. There would be no one there to protect her from the militia Integra would send, and her blood, this blood that had been given to her from one so powerful, would be the first to fail her.  
  
A noise to her right startled Seras from her reverie and she was up and moving before she even had time to process what it could be. Habit took over thought and she found a dark corner of the porch quickly enough, moving to shroud herself from the half-light of the moon. Whatever was moving toward her seemed to miss the point of being subtle; either that or it wasn't trying to be. Seras breathed quietly through her nose, a habit she had not yet learned to dispel since becoming one of the undead. She made to move toward the door--to go back into the house so she could at least get a gun--when she heard something crack off to her left. Noises were coming from both sides now and Seras shifted awkwardly against the paneling of the house, suddenly both afraid and conscious of her slated vantage point.  
  
Just as she began to slide her palm toward the latch of the door, the noises stopped. Seras paused, her breathing stopped, hand still outstretched for the door handle. It was just as deathly quiet as it had been earlier when she sat relaxed on the porch swing. Even the wind had stopped blowing. Swallowing back a nervous laugh, she moved out of the shadow and took two quick steps toward the center of the porch, her hands reaching the railing quickly and slapping her palms down on the wood as she looked out into yard.  
  
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was like the calm before a tornado, eerie and still, as she stood panting in the moonlight. And then just as she turned to go back inside, she felt it. It was the slightest change in atmosphere directly behind her, a shift in the air and a cool brush of fabric against the exposed flesh of her upper body, and she knew. He had been there the whole time.  
  
There was a click and something cold pressed against the back of her head, stilling her movement. She was nearly too stunned to speak, her breathe leaving her in a quick jagged exhale before she said, "Master." and broke the silence.  
  
He didn't say anything, only continued to stand behind her with his gun pointed at the back of her head. Typical of him, really. He had the upper hand in the situation and came at her when she wasn't even properly able to defend herself. Nothing in their relationship had ever been equated as fair. She guessed now, that perhaps that was why she had run in the first place. The air stilled around them and continued as it had before Alucard had interrupted it with his little trick show. It blew past, picking up her hair and winding it against the barrel of the Jackal now leveled at her head.  
  
"So you found me." she managed, struggling to gain control of her voice as it shook from both fear and rage. She was angry that he had found her here, in the middle of fucking no where, and when she had tried so hard to veil herself from him. She was angry that he was here now, threatening her without even speaking to her. And she was angry that she was still just as afraid of him as she had been before.  
  
"You didn't exactly make it hard for me, Police-Girl." His voice was low, gravely and barely distinguishable as if he hadn't used it in months. She should have had to strain to hear him against the onslaught of the wind but her vampiric ability made it easy, just as if he were speaking directly in her ear. He had yet to assault her telepathically. She cursed herself lowly. Perhaps if she hadn't been so busy building up a wall to keep him out of her mind she would have been able to detect his presence as he drew nearer to her physically.  
  
"Don't feel so bad, Police-Girl, it was a fairly weak attempt to keep me out." she bristled at that, her head bumping into the barrel of the gun as she arched her back. "As long as you stay shackled to me, I'll always be able to find you." He said the last bit quietly, almost trying to keep the words from being heard by anyone else. "Normally," He cocked the gun, pushing it roughly against her head until she was forced against the railing. "I would have killed you already. But Integra has allowed you two days to return to the mansion before orders to kill you are sent."  
  
Seras dug her nails into the wood of porch, peeling back a solid piece of it as she did. So that was it. Integra wouldn't send an entire force of Hellsing troops to do her dirty work. She would send Alucard to do it. She nearly snorted at the irony. Of course. Alucard was the one who made her, naturally he would be the one told to kill her.  
  
The railing was beginning to dig into her stomach uncomfortably. "So then why are you here now?" She asked, fear rising up quickly into her throat. Wetness stung her eyes and she ground her teeth angrily, willing the trembling in her limbs to stop. "If I have two days left, what are you doing here? Did you come here just to tell me that, master?" She bit her tongue against the word, feeling blood rise up and slide down the back of her throat, choking her. She felt an overwhelming compulsion to run, but the rational part of her brain, the part that wasn't trembling in waking fear, issued a complaint that if she did that, he would probably kill her.  
  
"Probably?" He echoed, his tone mocking. She bit her lip, not having realized that in her fear clouded mind she had been unwillingly projecting every single one of her thoughts directly at him. She feebly built up the walls she had learned to construct against his mental invasions and felt rather then heard his direct amusement behind her.  
  
"So you've been busy creating ways to keep me out of your mind, Police-Girl?" The gun shifted against her head, moving down to the middle of her back where he pushed more fervently, forcing her to nearly lean clean over the railing. Seras, feeling the blood in her upper body begin to rush to her feet, pushed back into the gun so that she could rise back to her full height. Somehow she managed to push him back just slightly so that she could straighten her back and look up at the sky. The moon was nearly indistinguishable in the now red filled sky.  
  
"Why are you here?" she asked again. This time the tremble was visible in her voice and she closed her eyes tightly as her body began to shake. His hand brushed the bare skin of her arm and she snapped her eyes back open, her body jerking violently forward of its own accord. He was touching her. Had he really just touched her? He came behind her quickly, bracing his body against her back as one gloved hand slid down her arm, drawing goose bumps where it stopped. He had taken the gun away, placed it somewhere in the inner folds of his jacket. The odd thing was that she hadn't even heard him do it. She supposed, the thing she should be more deeply concerned about was his sudden close proximity to her, and why he was touching her. She has just stood in fear as his gun dug into her back and now he was embracing her?  
  
No, Seras corrected herself, not embracing. Just…touching. Part of her relaxed slightly as his hand cupped her elbow, pulling her back away from the railing. She closed her eyes as something warm touched her ear and she became dimly aware that he was speaking to her.  
  
"I will not force you to come back. You have to make the decision on your own." He paused, his hand drawing upward slowly, causing her to gasp at the raw feeling of soft cloth against her bare skin. "The decision was always yours to make, Police-Girl."  
  
She drew in a sharp breathe and tried to turn her head so she could see him but she found that she was unable to move. And just as suddenly as he had embraced her, he stepped back, the rustle of cloth the only distinct sound on the empty porch. Although she was unable to move she could sense that he was still there so she spoke quietly, her voice barely audible over the distant hum of the wind.  
  
"Master," she whispered, her body humming with confusion and a kind of raw feeling she couldn't place.  
  
He laughed, the sound jarring her out of her temporary reverie and she turned to look at him as he regarded her with an amused grin, the corner of his lips turning up slightly to reveal a hint of fang. "I see," he said darkly, a wicked glint coming into his eyes, reminding her of the look she felt come over her own face when she fed.  
  
Seras, still in shock from how close they had been, stood stock still under his gaze, her red eyes hazy with confusion and regret. He had read something in her mind she had tried to keep from him; something she had built up the thinly veiled wall to keep him from prying where he didn't belong. Her guard had been down, and now he knew.  
  
"It will be interesting indeed, Police-girl," he said, already stepping back from her and disappearing back into the shadows. "I look forward to our little showdown." He left her with silence and an overwhelming desire to curl into a tight ball and die. Instead she drove herself forward, moving swiftly back into her house and double bolting the door behind her, knowing full well a steel door couldn't keep out a 537 year old vampire king.  
  
Seras dropped to the floor and let the fear overtake her until she lie curled against the far wall, waiting for the blackness to come.  
  
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Author's Note: Bumbumbum! Yeah, so that was meant to be an interesting chapter. Hope it lived up to the expectation. Anyway, thanks for all the healthy kicks in the ass I received. It's always nice to get beaten down by people who want to see more of my work. Makes me feel proud. Please feel free to continue harping me whenever you get lonely and want an update to keep you warm at night. I'll do my best. 


	11. Like a ghost in a jar

Top expert on the supernatural / tell us oh how do we make it in the shade / hey made of shame / hope you don't hate it / In the shade / like a ghost / in a jar  
  
-Cat Power  
  
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She had one hell of a headache. In fact, if she wasn't quite mistaken, she had a hangover. Seras opened her eyes warily, peering from under thick eyelashes to test the dim lighting in the room. A hangover? How could she possibly have a hangover when she didn't even drink? Can vampires even get drunk? Seras moaned. Great, one more thing she didn't know about being a vampire. She made a mental note to check up on that fact before moving, very slowly, into a sitting position. Her head beat a painful rhythm that she swore she could feel in her chest but wasn't too apt to investigate. What the hell had she done last night anyway? Her mind scanned through a barrage of images from the night before—she had painted the far wall in the living room, a dark cream color that matched the sofa. An old Frank Sinatra song had been playing on the radio and she had hummed the chorus, fumbling the first two lines but righting herself after the third. And then---nothing.  
  
Bloody Christ there was no explanation for this. The lower portion of her body felt sluggish as she forced herself into a crouch. Had she been drugged? No, her head pounded out in answer.  
  
/I haven't fed in the past 3 days./  
  
Her body reacted by sending a sharp pain to her lower abdomen at the thought and she growled instantaneously. She would just have to search out a blood packet and then she could get to---  
  
The clock on the far wall was moved. No, that wasn't right. The clock hadn't moved, she had moved. Seras narrowed her eyes. She had moved? How had she moved, she had just been---  
  
Her hand brushed against wood and she looked down in response. Her palms were braced against the cool wood paneling of the floor, her arms pale in the descending light. How had she gotten from her bed to the floor? She looked around, taking in the sofa and coffee table to her immediate left. And in the living room, no less.  
  
Her brain worked at a feverish pace to replace the lost time as she stared helplessly out the window. Outside. She had been outside at one point. And there had been—she squinted—birds? No. That wasn't it. There hadn't been birds in the middle of the night. Bats maybe, but certainly not---  
  
Bats.  
  
All the color drained from her face.  
  
Bats. Alucard was here. He challenged her. They were going to fight. Oh sweet God in heaven.  
  
Seras buried her face in her hands and tried to will herself not to hyper ventilate. This was not the time or the place. Well it was her home so technically it was the place, but it was certainly not the time. Irregular breathing was not the way to solve this situation. Calm, calm. She bit her lip and removed her hands. They fell uselessly to her side and she stared at them numbly. Was Alucard serious when he told her they were supposed to—oh the hyperventilating again---fight?  
  
No, he couldn't be. Surely it was obvious that he would win that one. After all she was just, "A novice." She said aloud, as if to convince herself. But then, maybe that was the point. Maybe he was testing her again just like that time in her room at Hellsing. Seras felt herself tremble at the thought and wrapped her legs closer to her body. He had pulled his gun on her and ordered her to dodge his bullet. And she had. Did that mean she was also supposed to be capable of taking him in a real-life duel?  
  
The clock on the wall chimed and Seras looked up at it regrettably, narrowing her eyes at the date scrawled across it. One more day before Hellsing came for her. No, she corrected herself, one more day before /Alucard/ came for her. Before he came to kill her. She felt panic rise up inside of her as she sat in a heap on the floor, her small body curled in on itself as if she could will it to disappear entirely. This wasn't doing her any good, she knew that. For the past month she had been strong. That had to mean something. Surely if she was strong enough to leave the Hellsing manor, to leave her Master and directly disobey him on more then one occasion, that meant that she was becoming stronger.  
  
/But not strong enough/ she thought dismally. Not strong enough to even so much as scratch him in a fight. What did he expect of her? She was just a---  
  
Slave. She was just a slave.  
  
Her red eyes slanted at the realization. No, she wasn't a slave, not anymore. He couldn't control her here. He would come for her under the orders of Sir Integra, and she would fight. It wasn't as if she had any other choice in the matter. Her gaze fell on the clock again and she counted the hours despite her unwillingness to keep thinking on the manner. Until tomorrow night she was free here. She had between now and tomorrow night to choose a course of action.  
  
Seras stood, her legs feeling wobbly as she braced herself against the wall. It was a non issue now. She already knew her choice.  
  
"Master," she mumbled, biting her lip. And so, apparently, did he. That would mean he would be informing Integra of her intentions. But would he? It would be typical of Alucard to keep such a thing from his own master. He had a thing with holding important matters over her head. It wouldn't be unusual for him to hide this from her, wait for her to find out when he dragged Seras' dead form back to Hellsing. No, she guessed, he wouldn't even do that much for her. He would just let her turn to dust here and die in humiliation. She wouldn't even be given proper burial rights for her loyalty to Integra's organization.  
  
For being so damn frightening Alucard sure was predictable. She shook her head and began to walk to the kitchen. But God, she really didn't want to have to fight him. The phone rang just as she stepped into the room, startling her enough to draw a muffled scream from her lips. She stared at it, not moving. It was just going to continue to ring if she didn't answer it, she knew that. It wasn't as if she were daft. But her mind was already working up images and forming scenarios of who could be on the other line. Integra, screaming at her to come back to Hellsing or she would send Alucard after her. Or worse, it could be Alucard calling to mock her and remind her of the fight they both had coming. She approached it quickly and pulled it off the cradle.  
  
/Don't be stupid. Alucard would never use a phone./  
  
Comforted by that one small thought, she pressed the 'call' button and held it to her ear. "Yes?" she asked, her voice containing just a twinge of lingering fear.  
  
"Victoria?" A voice on the other end inquired. It sounded just as nervous as she, if not more so. Seras furrowed her brow in confusion.  
  
"Who is this?" she asked.  
  
There was a crackling sound before something brushed quickly over the ear piece. Was he trying to cover it with his hand? Well, it was a he, that much she knew.  
  
"It's me," he paused as if expecting her to have already figured it out. There was another bristling sound before his voice crackled through the receiver, louder and more pronounced then before. Seras pulled the phone from her ear a bit to avoid irritating her sensitive ears. "It's me, it's uh, Jack. Jack Presnor. You know, from the train? And the, the---" he coughed. "The unfortunate incident at the FotoImages shop." He seemed about to continue but she cut him off quickly, relief washing over her face and spreading through to her voice as she laughed.  
  
"Jack! Of course I remember you. I'm sorry I didn't recognize you, it's just that I don't use the phone often."  
  
He laughed quietly. "You must do a lot of field work if you rarely get to use a telephone, Miss Victoria."  
  
Seras blinked. A field officer? What the hell was he---"Oh!" she shouted, then realizing she had shouted, quieted her voice significantly. "Oh, yes, field officer. We field officers don't get to use the phone much. Since we're you know, in the field and all." Well now that was a bright answer. Seras shook her head. Somehow she had entirely forgotten her concocted story of being a cop. She supposed it wasn't really that bad of an alibi to use as long as she could remember the bloody thing.  
  
"Right," he sounded confused. She waited for him to continue, a bit confused herself as to why he was calling her in the first place. Chatting on the phone wasn't really her strong point nor a hobby she liked to entertain. It would be much more to her advantage if he just cut to the point right now. When he still didn't speak, she sighed inwardly, careful how she chose her words so as to not show her blatant annoyance at the pointless phone call.  
  
"Jack, I don't mean to sound rude but is there something you needed?" There, that wasn't too harsh. To the point without being abruptly impolite.  
  
He laughed again, the sound coming across as awkward and unnatural to her trained ears. Was he nervous about something? "Yes, well, I suppose I did have a point. I seem to have lost it somewhere but um," Another pause. Seras tapped a nail on the counter top impatiently. "Oh!" he said, snapping his fingers in the background. She nearly jumped out of her skin at the sudden exclamation. "A new club just opened up downtown called 'Ghost' and I was wondering if you would be interested in attending its, well I suppose its opening bash, so to speak." So the man had a point for calling after all.  
  
Seras chuckled despite herself. Was he asking her on a date? God, how long had it been since someone had actually shown interest in her? All of the men, well, the remaining men anyway at Hellsing had always either been too afraid of her to show attraction or had just never been interested. She knew she wasn't unattractive, she just didn't find herself to be all that outwardly pleasing. Looks were never really important to her growing up since they got you no where in way of a position as an officer. Everything in her life she had obtained through intelligence and a strong desire to never fail at anything. Men, she supposed, could be obtained through equal methods. She had just never really thought about it until now.  
  
"I'm sorry, I wasn't bothering you or anything was I?" he inquired. Seras smiled, feeling her face warm at the thought of someone asking her on a date. He didn't know what she was, truly. He just saw her as a woman. And really, that was the greatest thing he could ever give her.  
  
"No, not at all. I was just," she looked at the clock on the far wall and frowned. "Thinking of work." She paused for a second, thinking over her decision in her head. It was now or never.  
  
With a resigned sigh, she took the plunge. "I would love to go out with you, Jack."  
  
------------------------------------------  
  
And it's time for another Author's Note: This story is plunging along at a rather quick pace, or so it seems to me since I'm typing it so quickly. Hopefully the next chapter will be up within the next few days. I've finally finished the notes and have a solid week of free time so I'm excited to have time to work on finishing this. Thanks again for all the lovely reviews (and patient prodding). Hope you're still with me. 


	12. In slow motion

Something happened, that I never understood / You can't leave / Every second, dripping off my fingertips / Wage your war / Another soldier, says he's not afraid to die / Well I am scared /In slow motion, the blast is beautiful  
  
-Snow Patrol  
  
----------------------------------------------  
  
She began to wonder, at times like these, if being a woman in her position was an unfair advantage. After all, she had just met this man a short time ago and already all it took was a wiggle of a her hips, a flash of a grin and she had him completely under control. Not that this was something she normally used to her advantage but she was beginning to find the use of her body a valuable tool. Although it had worked on her young date, it seemed to have little to no effect on the person she was directing it at now.  
  
Considering she didn't have a valid ID and had the round innocent face of a 17 year old school girl, the bouncer was hesitant to allow her entrance to the club. So Seras used the only means necessary that didn't involve physical exertion. She flirted.  
  
"But I swear I left it at home. And my date here can verify that I'm of age. After all, he is my husband." She shot Jack a warning glance that promptly forced the surprised look from his face. He nodded in silent agreement, obviously too flustered to come up with a valid counter argument.  
  
The bouncer, a large man with a burly face and a head full of thick dark hair looked her over incredulously. Or at least, looked her over. Seras bit her lip. This had to work, or she'd find herself back home with only her dark thoughts to keep her company. And that was simply unacceptable. This last night of freedom was valuable to her and she'd be damned if she wasted it sitting in solitude waiting for Alucard to surprise attack her in some shadowed corner.  
  
Seras batted her eyelashes demurely. She winked, she wiggled, she nearly vomited at her sad little show of flirtation. But hey, it wasn't as if she were completely versed in this area. She was still a virgin after all.  
  
Her womanly wiles seemed to be having no effect on the disinterested man in front of her. "No ID, no entrance, girly." Seras winced at the comment. She couldn't help notice, however that the declined entrance was directed at her chest.  
  
Fine. If he was going to have it that way, "I understand." Seras answered, her voice pitched at a decibel just high enough to be heard by the bouncer. She had never tried forced persuasion before, but she had seen her Master do it to his victims many times. It couldn't be that hard right? She was a vampire for Christ sakes, this kind of thing should come naturally.  
  
She stepped forward slowly, careful not to direct too much attention from Jack—who appeared to be looking around for something to use as an excuse—or to the anxious crowd behind them who were more interested in talking to one another excitedly. Good, she didn't want an audience.  
  
"Are you sure you can't let me in, just this once?" Red eyes met rustic brown as she bore into his mind with her own. /This had better freaking work or I'm totally screwed./ "Please?" She pressed with her voice as well as her mind, finding the center of his willpower and bending it just slightly. His eyes glazed over as she floated through his mind, brushing against his thoughts like a chill morning fog. She pulled back just as his eyes glazed over and he began to sway on his feet. Her hand shot out and she corrected his balance, keeping her gaze locked on his the entire time.  
  
"You will let me in." The statement seemed to snap him out of the hold she had on him and he nodded absently, blinking a few times to clear his mind.  
  
"Yeah, sure. Whatever," he waved at the two guys behind him who opened the double doors for them as they passed. Seras grinned and patted him on the arm as she moved to enter the club. "Good boy." She said almost gleefully. It really had worked! She beamed back at Jack who followed her almost blindly and seemed to be quite confused as to why she seemed so pleased with herself.  
  
"That was...odd." Jack mumbled. Seras just grinned.  
  
"He just needed a little—push." She responded and turned away from him.  
  
The club was a lot bigger then she had expected. Judging from the overwhelming amount of space and the solid metal aligning the roof and walls the building appeared to be a converted warehouse. Blue lights flashed elusively as Seras dragged Jack along, her excitement picking up just a little bit. Finally, something to do that didn't require moping! This was just up her alley. Jack however, seemed a bit more hesitant.  
  
"This is a bit," he said as Seras turned to look at him. Her perplexed face must have been an indication that she didn't hear him, although she had she just wasn't paying attention, so he shouted over the music. "This is a bit different!"  
  
She smiled. "I kind of like it!" She shouted back, wincing a bit at how loud her voice sounded to her own ears. He furrowed his eyebrows at her and gestured for her to repeat herself. She did. The blue lights switched to red and began to flash in accordance with the music. Couples around them were dancing evocatively, their flushed and damp bodies pressed hard up against one another as they ground out a seamless beat with the music. It was enchanting and almost erotic. Seras watched in open fascination as a man bent his head to a woman's neck and licked a trail from her breastbone to her ear, holding her in place as she rocked against his hips. The woman let out a moan, the sound completely muffled by the overwhelming base of the music but Seras still heard it.  
  
Before they could go any further, which she was sure they were about to, Seras turned away and headed toward the middle of the dance floor. She didn't really care if Jack followed her or not. Tonight was her night to do as she pleased before—no, she wasn't going to think about that, remember? A man wouldn't spoil her fun.  
  
To her surprise he actually did follow her, albeit a bit slowly. His hesitation increased as Seras began to dance, her body blending in with the thrusting and writing crowd around her. She could smell his nervousness and it invaded her body with its sickly sweet aroma. It wasn't as intoxicating as the scent of fear, but it was close.  
  
"C'mon Jack, we're here to have fun remember?" She teased him openly, knowing he would rise to the challenge. He seemed like that kind of guy.  
  
He smiled crookedly, his face screwing up at the attempt to show enjoyment. Seras laughed and grabbed his face with her hands. This place really was infectious.  
  
"You do know how to have fun don't you?" She shouted. He grinned.  
  
"I think I did, once. But then it involved a lot of heavy drinking and possibly a female stripper." His smile widened when she threw back her head and laughed. "I don't remember much after that. But I'm sure much fun was had."  
  
"That's good!" She snickered. "Well, maybe not the female stripper part, but the having fun part."  
  
He grabbed her hips, a bit brazenly and moved in closer to her. Seras raised her eyebrows. "Not as much fun as being with you." He said quietly, so quietly that Seras had to read his lips to catch it. She smiled.  
  
"I'm glad you got me out tonight." She said, patting him on the arm affectionately. She really was glad about that. As he held her closer and made amusing comments about the couples around them Seras felt for the first time in over a year, truly at peace with her surroundings. She didn't have to put on a mask around him to conceal her real emotions and she certainly had no reason to feel as if he were treating her cruelly. It was as if she were human again and being cradled in the arms of her high school boyfriend without a care in the world. It was infectious and addicting and so far beyond her natural comprehension that she was nearly blinded by it. But as his words became more desperate in her ear and his embrace more binding, Seras tuned her senses to allow even the slightest bit of disturbance break through her happy barrier. Something wasn't right and it was all around—engrossing and encompassing.  
  
There was something wrong here.  
  
Seras closed her eyes and bit her lip intending to focus all of her energy on finding the problem grating at her subconscious. To her right a woman was at the height of ecstasy, her body racked with pleasure and—fear? Seras opened her eyes and looked, watching carefully as the woman bent her head forward into the man's chest. No, that wasn't quite right. She wasn't bending it toward his chest but toward his mouth. Something sharp and tangible invaded her senses and Seras felt her hunger intensify unexpectedly. Blood, she smelled blood.  
  
Fearbloodfearbloodfearbloodfearblood.  
  
Stop it. Stop it, this isn't happening.  
  
But it was and as she watched this woman was getting her blood drained, every last drop, from her youthful and jaunty little body. Seras bit back her hunger and pushed against Jack harshly, drawing a gasp from his lips as he regarded her with open confusion. She tried to speak to him, opened her mouth to tell him something was wrong, something wasn't right here, but the scent of blood came again and it was coming from the opposite side of the room. She jerked her vision to find it and after a hazy confused moment her eyes came to rest on a woman bending over the short lifeless form of a teenage boy. Was she kissing him or was she—feeding from him?  
  
The lights became harsh to her eyes and she squinted to avoid them as they danced over her face. Jack was shouting something at her, gesturing emphatically with his hands for them to leave if she wasn't having a good time. Seras ignored him and turned around completely, scanning the room with her eyes for any sign of disturbance. The scent of blood was all around her, so much so that she couldn't understand how she didn't sense it before. Her mind had been open hadn't it?  
  
No, she had closed her senses because she wanted to have fun. Her reckless abandon had gotten these people killed just as it had with her men in the field. It was time to move past childish inhibitions. Seras clenched her fists and felt a kind of anger course through her body and propel her forward. She cut through the crowd easily enough, stopping only momentarily to push aside a few humans that eagerly stepped in her way. The temp of the song switched and her movements quickened with it, her steps keeping in time with the relentless beating of the speakers.  
  
/There./ Seras stopped abruptly in front of a man and woman dancing suggestively in the middle of the dance floor. The mans head was bent to her neck—feeding. He was feeding from her in front of all these people. With a quick movement Seras darted forward and pulled him off the girl who, upon being released, fell to the floor lifelessly. The vampire turned on her, his eyes still hazy and unfocused from the feeding as blood dripped openly from his mouth.  
  
"Trash." Seras snarled and reaching forward quickly, snapped his neck completely around. He fell to the ground without further provocation. No one around her seemed to notice as two people now littered the ground and Seras stepped over them casually, moving through people quickly and without notice to her next target. A couple against the far wall. She approached the woman from behind and, lifting up the hem of her short skirt, withdrew her gun from its holster. The woman seemed to sense the malicious presence of another vampire and stood quickly against the attack. Seras was quicker. Coming behind the girl and grabbing her just as she stood, Seras braced the barrel of the gun against her spine and pulled the trigger, watching as the bullet exited cleanly through her chest, bursting the heart as it went. The man the woman had previously been attacking was still alive, though slightly intoxicated. He moved rapidly to the side as the body fell to the floor at Seras' feet, a momentary hindrance as she moved past.  
  
It was a vampire club. They took humans here under the guise of fast music and lively atmosphere and then drugged and fed from them. This was disgusting; they were disgusting. They deserved to be punished.  
  
Seras moved swiftly through the thick crowd, killing as she went. She dealt lethal blows to the ones who still held victims in their preternatural arms and told the remaining few humans, drugged and unaware, to leave. The crowd was slowly beginning to thin out as she took down more and more of the vampires and told the humans to flee, leaving the majority of the club's occupancies corpses or unawares vampires.  
  
By her thirteenth kill Seras caught sight of Jack cutting through the crowd toward her, his eyes sharp and holding an edge of panic when they landed on her now dirty form. She couldn't have him interfering, not now. She was too close to getting the rest of these humans out alive and if he came to her now he would interrupt her mindset. She wouldn't be able to kill while he looked at her with such open trust and dependency.  
  
Her gun came up into the air and was fired before she could even turn to find him again. She watched as the club's occupants, those who were still conscious and aware of their surroundings, scream and begin to push wildly against each other at the noise. They were like cattle that scrambled at the slightest provocation or threat to their security. She fired off another round into the ceiling, two warning shots to signal retreat. Jack's face blurred into the crowd as he was pushed backward, momentarily propelled by the terrified crowd that scrambled toward the exit.  
  
Now that was settled, she could get down to business. The remaining few were vampires, all of whom were still in the clutches of the feed and who didn't look entirely pleased with her little show. She counted 15 of them, 4 in the corner moving off the dead body of a red-clad girl, 5 stepped down from the stage behind the speakers, and the remaining few were already closing in on her from different sides.  
  
Her body shook with rage and a primal instinct to defend herself. Her clip had 3 rounds left which meant she could take out the three approaching her from the front if she aimed correctly. The five coming from behind her would get to her before she could reload and she hoped that the two on the stage stayed their ground until she had dealt with the rest. She put her theory to test and aimed her gun, taking out the heart of 2 fast approaching vampires and blowing the head off the third at close range. The group behind her caught up before she could reload and she ducked as one took a swing at her neck. Her leg came up and she caught the male vampire in the gut sharply, knocking him into another vampire that stupidly rushed up behind him. They fell into a heap on the floor, momentarily out of her way.  
  
She was going to have to move faster if she was going to kill them all without the aid of her gun. A shrieking female vampire grabbed her by the hair and threw her to the ground, toppling down on top of her as she rammed Seras' head into the cement. Her vision blurred for a second and then snapped back and she reached up a hand as it cleared, grabbing the insane girl by her hair and throwing her a good 4 feet straight into the metal wall. The wall, and the girls spine, cracked simultaneously and she ceased movement.  
  
Seras stood and kicked out the knees of one of the males that had attacked her earlier, forcing him to the ground on his back. She snapped his head with her heel and moved on to the other three without further thought. By this time the rest were hesitant to attack her as brazenly and held a few feet back as she took the lapsed time to re load her gun. One made a move to run but only got as far as the end of the room before Seras shot her three times in the back of the head. Two fled behind the stage before she could get to them and only one remained, a red headed girl who was on her knees weeping next to the corpse of the male vampire Seras previously decapitated with her heel.  
  
"Please," she sobbed as Seras neared. She had a pretty round face and sharp green eyes that now filled with blood tears as Seras leveled the gun at her head. "Please, I'm like you! I can smell you, we're the same!" She chanted this over and over as she wept over the corpse that now began to ooze under her care. "Don't you have a master too?" For a moment, Seras was inclined to pity her. She was just a girl, after all, and her face looked oddly familiar. But at the mention of a master Seras felt her breath hitch in her chest and the gun wavered uncertainly in her hand.  
  
As she hesitated, her eyes caught the glint of a knife being drawn from the girl's waist. Seras drew her leg up sharply and caught the girl's wrist just as she moved to release the blade. Her arm snapped under the pressure as it was brought to the ground and her body was thrown backward. There would be no pity here.  
  
"For one thing, we are not the same. You are trash. And for another," Seras snarled. "My Master is much more ruthless then me."  
  
Seras killed her as easily as she had killed the others—without thought or emotion. Was this how her Master did it? Block it out, don't think of them as humans and it became easy. Or was it the rage? The anger at being tricked, lied to, treated as an object? If so, she should be able to use such devices against Alucard without much hindrance.  
  
It wasn't as if Alucard was going to be as easy a kill as these worthless monsters. But at least she knew she could kill without conscience; a fact she wasn't able to distinguish as being good or bad. She would have to settle for now with indifference.  
  
The music continued to play erratically as she left the club and slipped her gun back into the holster. She moved through the door cleanly and immediately blended into the crowd jammed there, still pushing against each other to get further away from the scene. Police were now running up the pathway to enter the building and Seras just barely avoided them by slipping into a group of shocked and weepy girls who were outrageous in number. As soon as they began to clean out the building the group was pushed back away from the building and a few of them began to dissipate to make their way home. Seras walked through the crowd, careful to avoid the groups that were being questioned by the authorities, and headed to the back of the alley.  
  
"Victoria!" She heard her name cut through the wail of the sirens and sobbing girls and she turned sharply, caught off guard. It was Jack, who was now approaching her at an unreasonable speed. Really, if he didn't slow down he was going to hurt himself. Seras moved gingerly aside as he plowed through the group behind her and propelled himself toward her, somehow managing to come to a full stop without teetering.  
  
"Are you alright?" he gasped, bracing an arm against his stomach. Seras nodded in response, out of words and not feeling up to searching for them. "There were gunshots—"  
  
"I know," Seras affirmed.  
  
"I looked for you. I saw you, in fact, and then there were shots and I was being pushed backward and I lost you." He stopped gasping and looked her in the eye. "Did you see who was firing them?"  
  
Seras opened her mouth, hesitated, and looked into his eyes. He had been so honest with her, so open and she had only just met him. He was innocent and full of life and so goddamn naive that it almost made her angry. She had been careless like that once and it had gotten her a bullet through the chest and an invitation of immortality.  
  
He watched her openly, only breaking eye contact when an ambulance's angry siren cut through the night and stopped a few feet from the crowd.  
  
"No," she lied. She came to the decision quickly, knowing well enough that lying to him was the only course of action she could take without further having to explain herself. Besides, she had a headache and her eyes were burning from the exposure to blood. "Let's go, Jack." She said quietly and began to walk slowly down the alley. He followed behind her in short time. 


	13. Nothing but an animal

Now I'm naked / nothing but an animal / But can you fake it / for just one more show / And what do you want / I want to change / And what have you got / When you feel the same  
  
- smashing pumpkins 'bullet with butterfly wings'  
  
The cab ride home was awkward and silent. He knew that what had gone on inside the club had more to do with her than she was saying and it bothered him. He was itching to ask her, his fingers were moving idly against his knee as if drumming to the beat of an unknown song. He shifted once, twice, another tap of the finger against his thigh. This restless behavior was really starting to annoy her. Seras breathed quietly through her mouth and watched as the exhale died in the air, leaving no trace of steam against the cold window. She was just fine. She didn't need to talk about it. In fact, she didn't want to talk about it. Not with him and certainly not right now in the back of this dingy cab with the chain-smoking pot bellied driver keeping an ear in tune to their conversation. It wasn't hard to tell that he was listening to them—the way his eyes darted to the rear view mirror to watch as Jack attempted to console her. None of it was working. He wasn't consoling her and the cabby wasn't good at pretending to be enthralled with the song on the radio.  
  
They both tapped their fingers impatiently—Jack against his left knee, the cabby against the steering wheel. They were both liars and bad at hiding it.  
  
Seras leaned forward just as the driver's eyes once again flicked to the rear view mirror and he started to find that she was no longer in his line of vision. Her fingers tapped his shoulder and he craned his neck slightly to regard her with a practiced 'yeah, waddya want?' glance.  
  
"Can you drive any faster?" Seras asked, her eyes now watching the lines as they flew by on the road. If she stared long enough it almost blended into one long yellow line that only stopped when she forced her eyes back to the lighted dashboard.  
  
"Sure. But it'll cost ya extra." He replied. Seras nodded curtly and resumed her vigil by the window.  
  
Jack was now more irritated than he had been before and had now taken to tapping his foot impatiently against the panel of the door. It made an obnoxious 'clickety clack' sound as the toe of his shoe pushed the peeled off panel back into place and out again.  
  
This ride had better end soon.  
  
Clickety-clack  
  
They must almost be there.  
  
Clickety-clack  
  
Couldn't be long now.  
  
Clickety-clack  
  
He'd come soon.  
  
Clickety-clack  
  
With a gun and that damn grin—  
  
Clickety-clack  
  
To tear her down.  
  
Clickety-clack  
  
What was she to him?  
  
Clickety-clack  
  
Did her death matter?  
  
Clickety-clickety-clack  
  
No  
  
Click-  
  
Monster  
  
Cli-  
  
Slave  
  
Clickety-clack  
  
Master  
  
Click—  
  
"That'd be it for ya then, miss?" The driver referred to her as the sole occupant because she had been the one with the wallet. Smart man. Seras pulled out a wad of cash and handed it over, not even bothering to look at the amount but knowing that it was well over the allotted fare. She stepped quickly from the cab and shut the door behind her. There were two slams.  
  
"Victoria!" Great. He was following her. "Jack." She responded but continued walking up the driveway. She could hear him speaking to the driver and telling him to wait a few more moments, he just had to make sure she got to the door safely. The cabby wasn't apt to complain after the generous tip the girl had just given him.  
  
Maybe if she ignored him he would go away. Maybe those girls in grade school had been onto something when they said that about the annoying boys with kooties.  
  
"Victoria, please wait!"  
  
Nope.  
  
She wasn't sure exactly when it was that she began to find his company annoying. But at the moment all she wanted was to be in her house, sitting at her kitchen table and waiting. Waiting for that moment when her master would come to finish what he had started that lonely night in Cheddars.  
  
For now, she would have to deal with Jack. And after that, she would wait.  
  
"Jack." She acknowledged him only when she had reached the stoop of her doorway, one black heel propped against the brick ledge. She turned in time to see him shuffle his feet nervously and then look up at her with urgency in his eyes. Normally, Seras would have felt nervous, compelled to touch him. He looked so innocent and trusting, so compassionate and open. He wanted her to open up to him, to be something she couldn't. He was looking for a lover and she for solace. Normalcy, even. But he wasn't the one she needed and she would never be that girl reflected in his eyes when he looked at her.  
  
He too wanted her to be something she couldn't and it was killing her just as much this time around. Jack wasn't a monster like Alucard and he would never hurt her the way her master had. She knew that she deserved to have someone like him. But when it came down to want and need she knew her choice in the matter. Seras may have wanted that life, but she didn't need it. It wasn't her world anymore. She could never have it.  
  
It took her a moment to speak after the thoughts had made their way through her mind. Her decision was made and now she just needed a way to voice it. So she sat quietly and waited, looking up as the clouds passed over the moon and revealed it to be sitting high and glowing bright against the red sky. So it was time then.  
  
She took a breathe, looked him in the eye and said, "Jack, I can't see you anymore."  
  
He looked startled for a clear minute before composing himself. There was now way around hiding the hurt that already appeared on his face. "I—I'm sorry?" He asked, not as an apology but for her to repeat herself.  
  
"I can't see you anymore. This isn't working out. We're not meant for each other." Seras sighed. This was really more hard work than the movies made it out to be. She was supposed to give him the brush off and he was supposed to just accept it; walk away, be the man about it. It would have been so much easier if he didn't have to look so damn hurt over it. "I'm sorry." She finished, and meant it.  
  
There was a moment of silence. When he spoke again, his voice sounded pained, as if she had inflicted some kind of physical wound upon him. "Was it because of tonight?" He asked. "I'm sorry about that. I didn't realize it was a gang syndicate."  
  
Seras started. "A syndicate?" She asked, disbelieving.  
  
"Yeah," he stared at her for a moment before continuing. "That's what the police were saying at least. They said it was some kind of rival syndicate attack. Apparently the owners of the club were higher ups and their must have been a surprise coup."  
  
Seras almost laughed. Well at least it saved her the trouble of having to come up with something credible. "Oh, I see." She said, and became quiet. "Yeah." He said, and said nothing else.  
  
Silence ensued.  
  
Seras let another moment pass before she began to walk carefully up the stairs. Just as her hand wrapped around the doorknob she felt something warm cup her waist and she turned to feel him embrace her. His shoulder was positioned awkwardly against her cheek and he had her back pinned against the door so that the metal of the lock jabbed at her spine. There was no rational explanation as to why he suddenly felt the need to hug her but Seras allowed him to do it, even bringing up her hands to pat him reassuringly on the back as a buddy would do, and then follow it with a 'there there'.  
  
When he finally pulled away he wasn't looking at her. His hand gripped her shoulder in a way that made her feel as if she were his stability and if she moved out from under it he would fall, unheeded, at her feet. Seras reached up and patted his hand with hers, looking him in the eye as she did so.  
  
"I'm alright, Jack." She said, stressing the word 'alright' so that he knew she meant it. He did, and stepped back away from her, taking his arm with him.  
  
"I'm sorry, that it didn't work out." He said quickly and then turned on his heel and fled from her porch. Seras watched him make quick work of the remainder of her driveway and then slide into the back of the cab without even so much as a backward glance. The small car drove away and Seras told herself not to feel hurt over it. After all, he was just doing as she asked. She had driven him away and he complied.  
  
Although, it did hurt a little that he didn't even try to fight her over it. She supposed that said something about his character. Or maybe he just didn't think she was worth the effort.  
  
Seras shrugged off the idea and opened her door. She had a few things to do before dawn approached and she would need to get them done soon before—  
  
Her fingers flicked the light on without her attention. All of her attention was instead directed at the red object sitting curtly in her kitchen with its legs propped arrogantly on her clean dinner table. The thing was watching her with open interest like a cat watches a bird in its cage, just waiting for the right moment to snatch it up. Seras felt like a bird twittering helpless and confused as her master, the maniacal smug looking cat sat watching her. She was waiting to be snatched up.  
  
Instead of speaking, the only thing Seras could focus on was how he looked. His hair was loose and thrown carelessly over one shoulder where it drooped out of sight behind the high backed chair. There was his jacket, swung as if without thought against the rung of the chair just in front of him, gleaming red and ominous in the phosphorescent light.  
  
"Good evening, Police-girl. How was your date?"  
  
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Author's Note: I know it ended really abruptly and that it was a short chapter. I apologize for making you wait for so long and then just cutting it off like that. But I'm in the middle of re-working the next chapter which is already done so it should be posted soon. I am sorry about the lack of updating as of late but I'm back to attending college so my course work comes first, unfortunately. I won't keep you waiting as long as I have before, I swear. It should be posted within a day or two since it's already half done. Thanks for your patience and words of encouragement. 


	14. What I hold dear

I could just pretend that you love me / The night would lose all sense of fear / But why do I need you to love me / When you can't hold what I hold dear  
  
- Tori amos "leather"  
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He didn't look like himself and that bothered her. If she tilted her head to the side and squinted a little, he almost looked human. His hands were folded neatly in his lap like a child waiting for a Sunday school lecture to begin. The breeze from the open window blew the strands of his dark hair about his shoulders reminding her of his shadow form and that great black dog with the endless eyes. She shivered.  
  
"Cold, Police-girl, or frightened?" He asked, almost casually.  
  
He was making no move to attack her any time soon, Seras observed, as she took the free time to remove her gun from the holster at her thigh. To do this she had to hitch up the lower half of her skirt to reach where the holster was strapped tightly to the inside of her right thigh. He watched her movements with open interest, even allowing his eyes to travel the length of her legs appreciatively. Seras felt herself bristle at his gaze, her heart beginning to pound painfully in her chest.  
  
With deft movements she removed the gun and cocked it at his head, leaving her skirt at a much higher level on her thigh then it had been originally. She didn't care. It wasn't as if he were here to regard her as a sexual object. If such matters still concerned him to begin with.  
  
"Neither," she answered his previous question curtly. Her small gun quivered slightly in her hand, effectively giving her away.  
  
He laughed, quietly and low in his throat. There was a faint rustle of cloth and then he was standing, though he never moved beyond the chair he had occupied a moment ago. No move was made to reach for his guns and Seras found this more disturbing then any kind of maddened violence he could have used against her before the conversation began. When she had expected him to come here she had been expecting a gun fight—a vampire battle between the two that would eventually end in her losing and he walking away with another smug ring on his belt. She had expected his madness, not his quiet politeness.  
  
"Well?" She demanded, attempting to keep the gun steady in her hand. What was he trying to pull with this anyway? It wasn't as if talking about it was going to change the situation any. And since when had Alucard become one to talk things over before he began another brutal war?  
  
"Well?" He mocked her, crossing his arms over his chest as if this were a game. And then she realized that it was just that to him—a game, just like everything else in his undead life. She was his little pawn and he was shifting her around the board as he so pleased, deciding how long she could go before he would allow her to fall to his queen.  
  
And just like that she became angrier. She was tired of his games, tired of being his pawn. Regardless of what he thought of her, what Integra thought of her, or for that matter, what she thought of herself, she would have honor in this one thing before he took her down. She was going to die fighting, if not for her life, then for her dignity. He may have taken her life away from her, but he could never have that.  
  
"Master, I don't have time for your games. I know why you came here and what you were ordered to do. So do it."  
  
He tilted his head to the side and smiled, teeth flashing. "Really? So you're more competent then I give you credit for, Police-girl." He still made no move to approach her.  
  
Seras, frustrated and more then a little unnerved, shook her gun at him in response and advanced two steps. "What do you plan to do, Master, stand here and have a conversation before you blow my brains out? That's more then a little sadistic and wholly unnecessary." She glared at him. "I'm telling you that I'm prepared for this and—"  
  
"And what, you welcome it?" He interrupted her. Seras nearly jumped at the sound of his voice which had suddenly lost its undertone of humor and instead spat the words out harshly. "Do you know what it feels like to die, Police-girl? Truly die, I mean. Not to be reborn into the life of an undead." He stepped forward once which was just enough to make Seras feel as if he were hovering over her and surrounding her on all sides. His presence was just as imposing as it had always been.  
  
"Would you like me to kill you, rid you of this existence you seem to find so worthless and sinful? Would that please you?" He bared his teeth at her and for the first time since they had begun this conversation, Seras realized that he was truly angry at her.  
  
"Isn't it what you were ordered to do?" She responded, just as angry. "I expected Hellsing militia to be sent to kill me when I didn't return and instead I found you. You've been sent here to kill me," her voice was shaking and she couldn't stop it. "So why won't you do it?"  
  
"Don't look for sympathy in places it never existed, Police-girl. I'm not here to save you so don't look at me so pleadingly. I said you had a choice and you made your decision. Did you expect anything else?"  
  
"Why you?" She cried, her voice almost a wail. "Why not 20 or 30 of Hellsing's men? Why did she have to send you?"  
  
"Because," Alucard said without pause. "Integra finds it pleasing to make me clean up my own mess. I imagine she finds amusement in rubbing my nose in my mistakes."  
  
Mistakes. Seras bit her lip at the word and forced herself to calm down. Mistake. She was just a mistake to him. So she was worthless in his eyes after all.  
  
"Besides," he continued. "Why waste 20 men on something I could finish with one blow?" He advanced on her.  
  
Seras stepped back and fired as she did so. The bullet struck him directly in the chest but didn't stop him. She fired again but by then it didn't matter; she had missed and he was already on her, his hands gripping her waist painfully, red eyes glaring down at her.  
  
She yelped when his arm encircled her waist with enough force to crack her ribs. He shook her.  
  
"Stupid girl. I could break you now, if I wanted to." He spat. His voice was strong and full of malice and directed to hurt her more then the arm that crushed her sides.  
  
"So why don't you?" Seras found herself repeating and she narrowed her eyes at him in challenge.  
  
His lip curled up slightly at her retort and he shook her, drawing a low moan from her throat. "What is it that you want, police-girl? Do you wish to be rid of me or to do you just have a death wish?"  
  
"I don't have a particular desire to die," Seras answered, her teeth grinding against each other painfully in her mouth. "I want to be free of you. I can't be your slave anymore. I won't."  
  
It amazed her, a quiet thought in the back of her wild mind, that she had enough strength to stand against him now as the black tendrils of his shadow began to wrap themselves around her body; as his hands crushed her small waist. Somewhere the rational part of her mind that normally told her to shut up and comply was put on pause and the desire to defy, stand against him, rise up, lashed out instead.  
  
"Ah," was all he said in response and suddenly his teeth were grazing her neck, nipping lightly, and his shadows were all around her, caressing. He maintained a powerful grip on her waist as he pushed her back into the counter. She felt his hot breath on her neck and her knees gave out as the conflict in her retreated at the feel of his mouth on her skin and his shadows warming her body.  
  
"Make the choice, Seras." He whispered at her ear and suddenly she knew what he was asking of her. His wet lips on her skin were inviting, enthralling, maddening; he was offering her the ripe apple and she made the choice. She chose to fall.  
  
"Please," she said, and cried out as his teeth broke the skin at her neck. She gripped his shoulders sharply, what was left of them that hadn't blended into shadow. He drew a small amount from her before drawing back, her blood on his lips and fire in his eyes. Seras watched him, envious of his desire and painfully aware of her mistake in it. But more important than her mistakes and her inner thoughts was that fire in his eyes, that burning hunger when he looked at her.  
  
She wanted his blood.  
  
And he gave it to her, willingly and freely. With a swift movement he slit the skin on his throat with a slash of his nail and pushed her toward it. She could do little else but oblige. As she hesitated he squeezed her sides painfully as if rebutting her desire to refuse him.  
  
Her tongue lapped up the blood greedily, the feeling of it warming her body and throwing her into a kind of euphoria. She was dimly aware that her hands were still at his shoulders as her teeth were at his neck and she felt for the first time as if she were the one in power. He was submitting to her, just this once, as she drew his life force from him.  
  
Her mind clouded over temporarily as her body took over, sucking at his neck savagely and ripping the wound open more then he had. He drew her off of him roughly, pulling her away from the safe haven of his neck and grounding her back to reality.  
  
There was no strength left in her body and her knees gave way as her head drooped back. Eyes closed, she could only feel it as his arm kept her steady on the ground, their hips pressed together as she arched away from him. The blood moved through her body quickly, healing the wounds he had created when he crushed her hips and pounding loudly in her ears as her senses began to change. The color of the room dimmed and flickered, becoming softer around the edges as she forced her eyes to roam the room. She wondered briefly, if this is how he saw the world now; with soft edges and muted colors.  
  
"Why?" She asked, when the room had faded swiftly back into focus and she was able to maintain some of her own stability. He still supported her against his own body, although the grip was still more painful then comforting.  
  
He didn't answer her at first but kept his eyes on her, watching as her face became warmer, fuller, more smooth. He must have been able to see her eyes sharpen, begin to notice the details of things she had missed before all this. Spots on the wall that had more paint then others, the different kinds of fabric woven into his vest to form one solid pattern, the flecks of misbalanced colors that made up the cruel and despondent look in his eyes. She caught all of this quickly, too quickly, and it made her head spin. So he continued to hold on to her as she adjusted and let challenging words fall past her bloody lips.  
  
"Why did you change me and not kill me? I won't go back," She shook her head as if to emphasize her point. Her body was arched away from him at such an angle that she could still look at his face as they spoke and watch as different ideas flashed in his eyes as he listened to her. "I won't go back." She repeated, trying to convince herself more then him.  
  
"Won't you?" He challenged, pinching her arms just a little bit. "Don't you want to live as a true No Life Queen before I take it all away?"  
  
Her head still swimming, she detached herself from him carefully and with enough force to show that she was indeed becoming stronger and very rapidly. Though mostly weak now, she could in time be nearly as powerful as the master that stood, challengingly and devotedly, in front of her. Wouldn't she want to live to see the day that she could match him? To watch him fall under her own hands? Would she ever be capable of killing the man who had been her life for more then a year; a father, an idol and nearly her god?  
  
Her eyes focused on the odd shape of his lips as they frowned at her, the outsides curled up just slightly to maintain his Cheshire cat grin. But she could see now—where the wrinkles strained to keep it like that, curled and twisted into a form that wasn't natural. A perfectly fabricated little lie.  
  
No, she couldn't see his soul. Not yet. She wasn't even quite sure he still had one. But if it was there, truly there, trapped under all that malign, vicious intent, she would be the one to dig it out. Maybe not now, but one day he would let it slip and she would be there to catch it and put it in a little jar with a name tag that would rest happily on her kitchen table. It would be her prize; his downfall would be worth her life. Just as hers was becoming to him now.  
  
"I'm not a monster like you," She said, almost randomly. He had stepped back away from her and she leveled the gun at him once again when she had mustered up enough mental control to tell her limbs to move at her command. He seemed amused at her continual defiance and with a quick movement summoned up his own gun from the folds of his jacket. He caught it in his hand as if it belonged there all along and pointed it at the center of her chest.  
  
And so they stood there, master and former servant, guns leveled at one another, amusement and contempt lingering between them. She would only shoot if provoked which she knew was only inevitable coming from him. So she waited.  
  
Alucard, however, appeared to be in the provoking mood.  
  
"A monster like me? Didn't you break poor little Jack's heart when you refused his advances? That's the work of a temptress, police-girl. Soon you'll be crushing the men physically to add to their mental pain."  
  
"Shut up." She snarled. He had no right to bring Jack into this. It had nothing to do with the situation at hand.  
  
"Of course," he continued unheeded. "He is a threat to the Hellsing organization. He knows too much about you, Seras."  
  
"Shut up." She repeated, well past her breaking point. Her finger was already beginning to pull back the trigger.  
  
"Would you like to share him?" his tone was mocking.  
  
"Shut up!" All it took was that look, that glint in his eye and a low rumbling laugh to make her pull back the trigger. He issued what she wanted and she responded in full. He was the villain and she had to overcome him. Someone needed to be the villain in all this because she wasn't ready to deal with the consequences of her own actions. She was a victim, helpless, controlled—and aware of it.  
  
So she shot him. To drive out the pain, the anger, the overwhelming desire to be sick all over her kitchen at the thought of what she had allowed herself to become in all this. He presented her with temptation and she gave in, all the while convincing herself that she was the victim, she had no choice. He had never taught her otherwise.  
  
And why hadn't he taught her otherwise? Why didn't she know? Why didn't her mind belong to her anymore?  
  
Another shot built on anger and mistrust. Desire to hurt and rip apart. Revenge. She wanted revenge.  
  
Her first shot had missed; a little too far to the right and two centimeters too high. Her second only grazed his arm. In her fury she was forgetting her ability.  
  
The third hit him in the shoulder.  
  
It wasn't a particularly lethal hit, but it did justice enough to her fury. She pulled the trigger back to fire again when he spoke rapidly, the low tones of his voice wrapping around her mind and trying to force the gun from her hands.  
  
"You don't want to do that again, Police-girl."  
  
"Don't I?" She snarled, and shook his shadows from her mind. She pulled the trigger back and fired again, the bullet blowing a clean hole through his neck. Blood spattered her pristine white walls but she didn't care. This was her /revenge/. She was finally taking control, even if it was just for a moment. She knew of course that she couldn't kill him, not by bullets alone at least.  
  
"Screw you and screw Hellsing." She spat, calmly but with enough vehemence to get the point across. The last shot was fired into his thigh and made a particularly unpleasant smacking noise as the bullet exited cleanly through. Seras pulled the trigger back once more and was met with the hard empty sound of it clicking back.  
  
Defenseless.  
  
She lowered the gun. Alucard remained in front of her, though half of his body had been blown off and strewn about her happy little kitchen. It only took a moment before the shadows appeared, wrapping themselves around his form and reforming the missing tissue into the body of a man. Seras waited, clutching the empty gun in her hand as if it still held use to her.  
  
The sound of cloth rustling invaded her senses and she tried her best not to flinch at the abrupt click of the gun being drawn on her. His gun, the jackal. Seras clenched her fists as the smell of gunpowder invaded her nostrils. This was going to hurt like hell.  
  
"If I shoot you now," his voice rolled through the room like a distant thunderstorm, sounding awkward and throaty. But then, she had just blown a hole through his neck. "You won't be able to recover. The change is still working through your body and your blood has not yet formed itself with mine." Seras kept her eyes tightly closed.  
  
"I suggest you open your eyes before I rip them out of your lovely little sockets." His voice held an edge of insanity, one she had always known was there but had never been able to pin point until just this instant. Enlightened senses, and all that, she supposed.  
  
Seras complied, opening her eyes slowly to directly rest on the black barrel of his gun. She blinked.  
  
This was disgusting. He was disgusting. The situation had gotten out of hand too quickly and she had lost whatever power she had when this had all started. Although, she supposed as her eyes roamed over the hard lines of his face and the cold austere glare of his eyes, she had never really had power to begin with.  
  
"This was always about you, Master, Alucard." Her voice was low but she knew he could hear her. "You chose the way I should be brought into this world, this life as an undead, and now you choose how to undo it. It begins and ends, with you."  
  
"Let's not get sentimental, police-girl," Alucard laughed. "Though your supposed knowledge on the subject intrigues me, I'm afraid I don't have the time nor the patience to listen to you ramble on about it anymore." He paused. "Will you yield?"  
  
She didn't even hesitate. "Not anymore." She said strongly and with conviction. He smiled.  
  
She heard the click of the gun and watched, in seeming slow motion, as the bullet left the barrel and plowed straight toward her.  
  
It wasn't nearly as complicated as the first time she had tried it, which she was sure had mostly to do with the fact that she was now a No Life Queen. All the same, she was still shocked as she watched herself move quickly to the right, turning her head just long enough to see the bullet graze past and lodge itself into her brand new refrigerator. Seras moved quickly, throwing her leg up and catching him in the side of the face just as he pulled back to fire at her again. His head snapped back at the impact, a move that would have killed a normal human being but only bought her about 2 extra seconds as he took a moment to readjust his spine. Seras made a move to disarm him, even getting so far as wrapping her hands around the handle of the gun before he was on her, pushing her back into the uneven surface of the counter top. Her spine slammed painfully into the corner and she screamed loudly as something snapped and white hot pain filled her body. The cold steel of the gun came to rest against her chin as he pushed her face to level with his.  
  
"That was truly amazing, Seras Victoria. I didn't think you had it in you." Her eyes burned into his, matching in color but differing in their intention. He was incapable of feeling pain, guilt, fear or any other kind of emotion associated with human behavior. It was difficult to do much of anything to him, really, unless it was physical. However, she wasn't really in the position to be trying anything of the physical sort on him at just this moment.  
  
She stared at him coldly. "What are you waiting for? Just pull the trigger already." There was a long, painful silence. Seras shook the end of the gun as her throat moved to speak. "You said it yourself, I can't survive another direct hit from you and I won't return to Hellsing. So end it now."  
  
Her eyes drift away from his to meet the clock on the far wall.  
  
1:36 am.  
  
It was too bad she couldn't see the sunrise, just one last time.  
  
He didn't speak for a very long time; just continued to watch her with those dark, unfeeling eyes. Her fingers were wrapped around his wrist and his other hand was still on her waist, pressing her back into the counter.  
  
"Poor little Police-girl, so alone in the world. So," he paused and leaned in close to her face, his breath hot on her face. Seras felt herself shudder. "human."  
  
"I don't need your pity." She snapped, turning her face back to his. Their noses bumped and Seras drew sharply back, alarmed and unnerved at the contact.  
  
"No?" He asked, grin still in place. "But you do need something else." she froze. "What is it, Police-girl? What is this /thing/ you crave from me so incessantly. Love? Trust? Companionship?" He cocked his head, his lip curling upward. "Lust?" Seras shook her head, stuttering something before losing the thought entirely.  
  
"Do you want me to love you, police-girl?" His hip was pressing into hers and she could touch him if she had wanted to, push him away even, but refrained, afraid of what he would do if she tried. "It's been over 500 years," he continued, "and never once has anyone demanded love from me. Strength, power, immortality, yes, but never has anyone sought my emotions. Of all the things I could give you, police-girl, you choose the weakest form."  
  
"I don't—" she attempted to strengthen her voice before continuing. "I don't want anything from you."  
  
"You do. You probably don't realize it, but it's inherently obvious." he looked at her gun, empty and useless in her right hand. "You have nothing left, Police-girl." He grinned. "Do you intend to claw me to death?"  
  
His amusement infuriated her but she was too damn tired to fight and too angry to care anymore. "It wouldn't do me much good, now would it." she answered and dropped the gun. "I don't expect anything from you master, Alucard. Trust maybe, respect surely. Stupid of me, all of it."  
  
He let her talk without interruption and Seras silently thanked him for it. She didn't need him to understand her or to care, just to listen.  
  
"Is there any part of you," Seras found herself asking quietly, directing the thought to his chest rather then his face. "That's still human?"  
  
He seemed to think over his response before answering her inquiry and Seras finds a mild enjoyment at watching the conflict hidden behind his eyes. "Probably. But don't mistake humanity with emotion. Just because I am able to distinguish between what is deemed as right and wrong does not mean I abide by it. You're forgetting, Victoria, that I was never as full of compassion and innocence as you. I was never more then what I am now, even when I was a human."  
  
"I don't believe that." She was quick to reply.  
  
So was he. "Just as naive as ever, I see. Even after I've given you everything."  
  
She could feel the conversation winding near its end and they still had yet to reach a compromise. Her mind was set and his order still stood to destroy her for her defiance. They could argue philosophy, reason and right and wrong until the sun came up but it wouldn't solve their current situation. She must make a decision to die mentally or physically and she wasn't sure that she was ready for either.  
  
"But I haven't given you everything, have I?" Alucard continued, interrupting her inner quarreling.  
  
"What?" She asked, genuinely confused and a little frightened to find out what he meant by that.  
  
"Your conscience is blurred, Seras." His lips were at her neck again and she felt herself shivering, breaking down at the power of him. "I could give you what you want, but would it satisfy you enough?"  
  
Just this once, she wanted to be weak. At the moment when she needed the most to be strong, she was bending, giving in. Was this really what she wanted?  
  
"Yes," she said aloud, without reservation. It was a whispered plea, an acknowledgement that just this once, she would allow herself to be broken.  
  
And with that one word he was everywhere, surrounding her, touching her, encompassing her. He caught her mind in the same moment he caught her lips and Seras felt her body melt away as if he had drugged her. It was everything and it was nothing as his physical body possessed hers and his mind tried to do the same. She blocked it, and grounded them both to reality as her nails dug into his skin and the blood caught under her nails, making her hands slippery as they tore at his flesh. She wouldn't let him become a shadow, she wanted this to be real.  
  
He complied, and they fell into each other harder and without meaning.  
  
They stayed that way until dawn rose. 


	15. The master plan is perfection

"You say you don't want it / This circus we're in / But you don't you don't really mean it / You don't really mean it / If the Divine master plan is perfection / Maybe next I'll give Judas a try"

-Tori Amos, Spark (incidentally, the song that inspired this story and its title)

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He taught her things. Necessary things, things that would be relevant for her to live as a vampire, and now as a No Life Queen.

When she became frustrated or upset he would chide her, his voice reprimanding and annoyed like a parent forced to scold a naughty child. Sometimes, when she would defy or refuse him he would push her with violence and force her to learn what he was giving her. He wouldn't be this giving forever, Seras. Take everything while you can. He had better things to do then waste his experience on a fledgling child who should be learning such things on her own.

Seras listened to his lectures and patiently nodded, knowing full well that the advantage was hers because she had him trapped with her until the sun went back down.

So he taught her things. Like phasing through objects and melding her body into shadow and air. The first thing she phased through was her bed, the one he had placed them both as soon as the sun began to seep in through the kitchen window enough to harm them. Seras had barred the light from entering the room long ago with heavy fabric and bits of wood placed in strategic areas. They had no light but as vampires they didn't need it.

She phased through the bed and, somehow, forgot how to get back. She was trapped between the mattress and the floor when she began to panic, her voice a muffled scream of suffocated terror right before a hand reached through the barrier and pulled her back. She landed directly next to Alucard whose own hand gripped her wrist painfully before twisting it abruptly, just for emphasis. Seras bit her lip, but refrained from crying out against his punishment.

"I told you to focus, Police-Girl. If you improperly use your magic right from the start you will never learn how to use it as a true nosferatu." Alucard chided her.

Seras nodded and took a deep breathe. "Right. Sorry. Can we try again?"

He smirked and let go of her wrist. She lay back down on the mattress and closed her eyes, placing her arms gingerly at her sides and taking deep, even breathes.

Before long she could feel her body sink through the mattress and become completely weightless. She phased through the mattress without problem and ended up below the bed with her back pressed against the floor and a look of shock apparent on her face. Gingerly she reached out a hand and pressed it against the bottom of the bed. Feeling its weight against her palm forced the reality of what she had just done into her mind and she laughed outright, openly pleased at her new abilities. If she could do this, there must be tons of other things she was capable of now.

"Seras," Alucard's voice floated down to where she lie, palms pressed upward, on the floor. "Are you planning on coming back or do I have to come get you again?"

Seras shook her head, "No, I'm coming." Biting her lip, she closed her eyes and focused her mind to envision what the other side of the bed looked like, how Alucard would be lying, propped up on one arm and smirking through the bed at her. When she opened her eyes again she was back where she had started, lying next to her former master in very little clothing and with very little conscience against it.

After all, there really wasn't much use in hiding anything from him now, after everything they'd just done. Seras blushed despite her best attempt not to and looked at a far less interesting spot on the wall.

Since he had brought them in here Alucard had made no move to continue what they had begun in the kitchen. Seras had a deep, vivid memory of his hands on her thighs rotating through her mind at the moment and she was trying very hard to push it out. What had transpired between them hours ago was, for the most part, completely over.

As Seras idly played with a loose string on the strap of her bra she wondered if that was disappointment or relief that sunk to the lowest pit of her stomach just now. When she felt his shadow begin to idly brush against her arm, that feeling lurched very quickly and unexpectedly to regret. She glanced over at him sharply and found his left arm, the one he was not currently leaning his head on, had dissipated to a dark shadow that now glided idly up her arm and wrapped itself around her neck.

The bed moved under his weight as he leaned into her and pressed his lips against her ear. "Change," was all he said, and Seras, so caught up in the sound of his voice and the effect his dark form was having on her, found the transition much easier then it had been the first time. With very little effort her body shifted, seeming to bleed into itself and spread out at the same time. It felt like melting; her limbs first becoming cold and then ceasing to feel at all.

She could still vaguely feel his shadow pushing into hers, forcing her mind to relax as her body complied first. At first she couldn't see anything, only feel. Then small fragments of vision began to creep back to her and it was the strangest, most powerful feeling she had ever experienced. It was like watching the world with a veil dropped over your eyes, and yet everything was almost clearer, brighter. It was fascinating, the way she kept expecting to be unable to control the weight of her body and find herself suddenly floating toward the ceiling and unable to get down, much like that horrible Charlie and the Chocolate factory movie she'd seen as a child. Envisioning herself having to burp to come back to the ground brought a small giggle from her mouth which was quickly followed by another and another until she was, somehow, outright laughing.

Seras, still overcome by a sudden giggle fit, opened her eyes to find herself back in her human form and lying on the bed once again. Alucard materialized beside her, his leg thrown over her body and his teeth grazing at her neck. She stopped laughing when he nipped sharply at her jaw and pinned her wrist to the bed with his gloved hand.

"You're learning quickly, Police-girl." He told her, though his voice lacked any tone of real approval.

Seras just nodded, tugging absently on the wrist he held down. Was he going to let her go any time soon, or just keep pinching her like that? Seras shifted, a feet that was nearly impossible as most of his body lay over hers and attempted to reason with him.

"Mas-" she began, but was cut off by the sudden force he exuded upon her bare wrist. She was tempted to shout but refrained, choosing instead to grit her teeth against the pain as she felt a bone in her wrist snap under the pressure.

Suddenly his hand was crawling down her thigh and Seras squirmed under the feel of rough fabric on her skin. The conflict of pleasure and pain roused a sudden fit from Seras's body which was not previously used to true vampiric senses. Her body began to shake uncontrollably and Alucard responded by making a small incision in her inner thigh with his nail. Shocked, Seras jerked away from him but was still caught by the pressure he kept on her wrist. Decidedly confused she attempted instead to form her body into shadows but as soon as a tendril began to form at her shoulder Alucard dug his nail deeper into the wound, effectively grounding her.

"If you attempt to change, I'll cut it off." He said calmly, referring to her leg which now bled freely onto his white glove.

She drew in a jagged breathe and forced herself to refrain from physically bucking him off her. That probably wouldn't go over very well, she supposed. Instead, she watched with muted interest as he dragged a line of her blood further up her leg and began to write with it, forming gracefully elongated charms and symbols on the canvas of her thigh. Seras was about to bitingly ask him just what the hell he was doing with her blood and leg like that when he spoke instead.

"You will return to the Hellsing manor," He told her matter-of-factly and looked at her sharply as she made to protest. "You no longer serve me, as you are now a No Life Queen and therefore are free of my binding. However," the pattern, Seras began to notice, was quickly beginning to resemble the seal that marked the white gloves he wore. "You are still under the servitude of Integra as a soldier of Hellsing."

He stopped idly playing with her blood and placed his hand over the seal he had created, hovering it just inches above her thigh. For a moment Seras imagined she saw it glowing as she felt a sharp pain run up and down her leg as if someone had burned her. But just as she began to focus on it, the feeling disappeared and all that was left was the bloody incision on her leg which was already beginning to heal.

The seal Alucard had previously drawn was gone.

Seras watched him as he stood, his form already flickering as if preparing to disappear entirely. Through a crack in the window Seras could see that the sun had already begun to set and was low enough in the sky for them to venture outside. So their little training session was over, she supposed.

Seras sat up as he stepped back into the rippling void and was gone. Reaching down to pick up a pair of pants she heard his sardonic voice in her head, taunting and amused.

"Don't disappoint me, Seras Victoria."

She waited another moment before she moved again, just to make sure he was completely out of her head before she mumbled, "Sick bastard."

Author's Note: One more chapter kids. Hope you stick around for ze' conclusion. 


	16. Save my soul pt 1

Author's Note : Sorry about the wait. And sorry about having to divide this chapter and make it so short, but since it's the last chapter I'm taking a lot of time working through it to make sure it doesn't, well, suck. So this is only half of the ending chapter which I split into two parts, the first being the shorter and more of an interlude into the final chapter. You guys rock for sticking by the story this long. And, you know, for also not beating me with sticks.

-

"And now the nightclub set the stage for this they come in pairs she said / We'll shoot back holy water like cheap whiskey they're always there / Someone get me to the doctor, and someone call the nurse / And someone buy me roses, and someone burned the church / We're hanging out with corpses, we're driving in this hearse / Someone save my soul tonight, please save my soul"

-My Chemical Romance, vampires will never hurt you

-

It seemed as if it were easier to get in than it had been to escape. The train ride back to Hellsing went without a hitch. She didn't trip on the stair and fall into an easily charming young man. There were no small children clutching their mother's red dress and no glimpses of a crimson coat. The train conductor didn't scold her for her incompetence and she no longer felt a sinking feeling in her chest that threatened to collapse her from the inside.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. She did have a sinking feeling. But this time it was in her stomach, and for completely different reasons.

Seras wondered if Integra would be angry with her over having to send Alucard to retrieve her; or if Alucard had even told her anything at all. She dreaded the look of resentment that would cross Integra Hellsing's face if she knew that Seras had intended to disobey her orders by trying to hide.

At this moment the cold indifference of Integra's stare was welcomed by Seras who would rather have faced a bullet from Alucard's gun than that cross look her superior gave Seras whenever she had acted insubordinately.

There were about 6 different scenarios running through Seras's head in regards to her return to the manor. One involved Integra chasing her around the 40 foot square room she occupied daily with a sharpened mail opener. The other three starred a very loaded very ready magnum aimed at the retreating form of a scared shitless blond vampire.

All of which were adding up to form tight knots in her already upset stomach, something that surprised and annoyed Seras since she was now supposed to be a higher level vampire. Weren't stomach cramps something only weaker vampires got?

Before long the train ride was over and she found herself walking purposely through the narrow streets of Old London. Her bag cut at a sharp angle into her shoulder but she ignored it. Most of her things she had left back at the cottage, refusing to take more than she had previously needed at Hellsing for fear of upsetting Integra.

After all, she was a vampire soldier. She wasn't supposed to be living in refinement and leisure. Though it would have been nice to take at least a few things with her. A pillow, maybe. Or perhaps that nice coffee table she had found at the flee market last week.

With a resigned sigh, Seras gave up wishing for her abandoned items and focused instead on avoiding being mowed down by a double decker bus as she crossed the street. She walked with her head down the whole way, her eyes focused on the quick movements of her feet which, if she weren't careful, were soon to draw the attention of others if she didn't slow down.

The bottoms of her jeans were wet with mud from the rain which she hadn't noticed had begun to fall until her downcast eyes focused on the first white stair of the Hellsing manor. She had passed through the gate without even realizing it.

Seras looked up, her eyes blinking back the rain as it fell onto her upturned face. Everything was as she had left it. The wide front door, the balconies and corridors. The same two guards stood at the entrance, their faces impassive as she stood drenched and overwhelmed in the rain. Everything was as she had left it.

So with dirty jeans, a wet sweater and squishy shoes, Seras walked up the four remaining stairs and crossed the threshold into the Hellsing manor. She heard the door close behind her, shutting out the rain but not the voice of the left guard who said into his intercom, "Sir, agent Seras Victoria has returned." 


	17. He says, pour another drink

And he says pour another drink / And take a good look around / One more mile is all we have / Until the lost become the found  
-Tom McRae

And then there was nothing but silence. To Seras's trained ears it seemed overwhelming, crushing even at the complete absence of sound. She straightened the bag against her shoulder simply to have the comfort of noise before she began the long trek back down into the dungeons. The front hall was being decorated for the upcoming holiday and their were candles lit in every window and each entry way to the area. At least ten attendants shuffled about stringing lights and garland, their faces bright and conversation light and filled with amusement. Further down the corridor the kitchens were busy making dinner for the soldiers, pots and pans slammed onto the stove while cooks laughed and spoke to each other in three different languages.

At the next door Seras stopped. The soldiers were seated in the dining hall, their plates filled and their laughter raucous and loud. A bun was thrown, smacking one man directly in the head who looked stunned as the group at the table behind him burst into laughter. Their number had gone up since she had been gone, quite significantly in fact. There were now twice the number of men that had been employed at Hellsing earlier. It must have been awhile since there were any significant attacks as they all looked well rested and well fed, their faces relaxed and content.

Seras leaned against the doorway and allowed herself to smile. This is why she had returned. Not just for Alucard or Integra, although they were big reasons. She had returned for this organization itself. For the good that it did, the people that it served and protected, and the people that fought and believed in it. They were good people. They could make her feel good again, after all of the darkness and fear; the hate and regret. This is why she had returned.

As the laughter began to build in the dining hall Seras left, walking with more purpose and strength than she had originally had upon entering the manor. Before she reached the dungeon stairs she caught sight of Walter a ways down the hall, a heavy and very unstable tray of tea and scones balanced precariously on his left arm. His other arm was laden with books and what appeared to be a laptop computer. He was sweating significantly as he walked hesitantly down the hall away from her, his steps slow as if feeling out the terrain.

Quietly, Seras walked down the hall toward him, abandoning her bag at the head of the stairs. Just as she reached him the laptop slipped from his grasp and in a desperate attempt to save the piece of machinery he lost his balance on the tray which now slipped completely from his hold. Before it could reach the floor Seras caught it, her hold on the heavy tray easy as she lifted it, still intact, back to the level of the butler. Getting his bearings about him, the older man turned just in time to see Seras, a delicate smile on her face, extend the tray toward him.

A momentary look of utter shock crossed his face; so much so that the small monocle slipped from his widened eye and fell, dangling at his ear.

A beat, then two before he said, "Miss-Victoria," a slight hitch to his voice that denoted shock or some kind of unstable emotion close to it.

She urged the tray closer to herself as her smile widened, nearing wickedness, and continued on down the hall before him. Following the path he had begun she looked sharply at the food in her arms and realized that they were now on their way to meet Sir Integra.

Normally, her heart would have jumped in agitation at the thought of the older woman. Her narrowed calculative eyes, a disdainful look on her face as her smart nose wrinkled slightly as if repulsed by everything around her.

But now, whether it be the strong blood in her veins, the thought of her freedom, or the slight hint of Alucard still lingering on her skin, she wasn't so afraid anymore. Now, she was just doing her job.

She heard Walter gather his composure, rather loudly, behind her. He scrambled to match the pace of her longer strides as he shifted the items in his arms to be in a more comfortable position.

"Miss Victoria," he stumbled on the words, "I didn't think—"

"That I was ever coming back?" Seras answered for him, the slight hint of a smirk on her lips.

He said, "No," as if incredulous at her implication.

She looked at him sharply. "Well, not completely," He finished.

Seras smiled lightly and looked away from the older man as he regarded her with such open and intense scrutiny. Honestly, she hadn't been gone that long had she?

"I didn't have an intention to return but—" she stopped. They had reached Integra's door. The deep wood stared back at her reproachfully, mocking her memory of a time not long ago when she had been weaker; less able to stand on her own two feet. So she had fled here, seeking guidance, forgiveness, understanding. She had obtained freedom, but with a price.

She pursed her lips and glanced at Walter. "But, I changed my mind."

"Did you?" He inquired, and now it was his turn to smirk.

She looked at him oddly. "I beg your pardon?"

And for a moment, a brief moment, she recognized understanding in his aged eyes. There was something that she didn't –

"Walter?"

The voice penetrated the moment between them like the painful stab of knife. It was Integra's voice, sharp and pronounced and seemingly agitated.

Walter straightened his already rigid enough posture and opened the door. But not before regarding her with a look that was not too unfamiliar with Alucard. Seras blinked in surprise.

"I'm terribly sorry about the wait, Sir Integra. You see, I ran into Miss Victoria in the hall and she helped me to carry your effects the rest of the way."

Walter had already reached Integra's desk by the time Seras had mustered the courage to pass the threshold. She stupidly stood near the open door way with a tray of tea and biscuits in her arms before the sharp click of Integra's pen against wood jarred Seras to move forward.

She chided herself at looking like a twit before her superior and set down the bundle on the desk. Without looking at her, Integra picked up her cup of tea, sipped, winced at the temperature, and said, "That is all Walter."

The butler bowed and gave Seras a look of warmth before exiting the room. Seras would have gulped if her mouth hadn't suddenly been devoid of saliva. Without Walter bustling about in the room the silence barred down on Seras like heavy weight. It was suffocating, even, standing two feet away from this statue of a woman who seemed to draw out the pause as a way of torture. This is cruel, Seras thought as she shifted from one foot to the other. She bit her lip, looked at her hands which were nervously crawling about one another in her lap and then jumped when Integra cleared her throat.

"Miss Victoria, you have followed my orders and returned by the date I set for you." She paused, sipping from her tea. "I must admit that I'm impressed."

If it were possible, Seras would have just had a heart attack.

"I-I'm sorry?" She stammered, not knowing if she meant it as an apology or just out of general confusion. Should she be sorry that Integra was impressed? One thing was for sure, she was sorry to be the one standing here as if on trial by the one person she held esteem for above all others.

"Yes," Integra continued. "I didn't think you would return. Honestly, I would not have."

Seras, shocked at Integra's blunt admittance, said nothing. Integra sipped her tea and pushed an overwhelmingly large stack of paperwork away from the center of her desk. She rested her face in her hand and watched Seras carefully.

Inquisition. Something about the Spanish inquisition, Seras thought. This was like an inquisition. Was she being judged? Was there a trial that she was supposed to pass before Integra let her back into the organization? There was a brief moment where Seras experienced a raw feeling of panic expecting the group of armed soldiers she had earlier seen in the mess hall rush in and gun her down on the spot.

Although, they would now need more than guns to get rid of her. And there it was. That's what Seras was so frightened over. Did Integra know?

Seras furrowed her brow and bit her lip, reservedly looking away from Integra and instead watching her reflection in the cup of tea set near the woman's left arm. But how could she possibly know that Seras was now a full fledged vampire. It's not as if Alucard would—

Oh. Well, yes, he would, as a matter of fact. Wasn't he obligated to tell such a thing to Integra?

"Victoria." Integra snapped.

Seras jerked her head away from Integra's reflection back to the woman herself.

"Yes, ma'am?" Seras dutifully asked.

"Is there anything you would like to tell me?" Integra asked, her voice complacent and nearing boredom. Was this the test or was she just trying to usher Seras out so she could get back to work?

There was no way of getting around it if Integra did in fact know about her new vampiric status. If Alucard had told his master and Seras failed to inform her when directly asked then the consequences would no doubt be hugely devastating. Although, Seras considered, she hadn't directly asked her if she were now a No Life Queen. So it wasn't entirely as if she were lying.

"No," Seras said distinctly and decisively. "I don't believe there is anything, Sir Integra." And waited.

Integra's eyes glimmered for a moment and Seras prepared for her immanent anger. Instead, Integra leaned back in her chair, sighed, and waved her hand dismissively at Seras.

"You may go then. I'll have you summoned if I need you for anything else. Until then, remain in your quarters."

And just like that, Seras was off the hook. She composed herself and calmly left the room. As soon as the door clicked behind her she let out an unnecessary breath and ran a nervous hand through her hair. Well, at least that was over. Integra didn't appear to be vengeful at Seras's attempt to dodge her organization and Seras's new found abilities didn't seem to spark curiosity in the older woman. For now, at least, everything would go back to normal. Well, as normal as it could get at least.

The dungeon was just as cold as she had remembered it being. The chill air bit at her skin as she slowly made her way down the long stairway, shuffling her feet childishly for the noise it made. It was always too quiet down here. Perhaps she should get a t.v. After all, she had nothing else to read. All of the books she owned or borrowed from Walter she had already read, some of them twice. Now all she had to look forward to was silence, the cold, and sleep.

Seras wondered if this was what most vampires enjoyed in their old age. Unfortunately, she was still a young vampire and her freedom was entirely too limited for her liking. Then again, she could be Alucard, bound to the Hellsing's for the rest of her long existence. Yeah, that would pretty much suck.

The door slid open with ease and banged shut behind her as it always did, echoing down the hall eerily. There was no light in the room but she could see regardless as she slid a match against the table and lit the single candle in the room. She watched it flicker for a moment before becoming still. It lit a small portion of the room, but enough for her to see what she needed. The main lighting in the room was too abrasive, she much preferred little or not light. Weird, these vampire senses.

The quiet was almost unnatural, but she liked it. She could sleep now, if she wanted to. It would be light in a few hours. But for some reason her body didn't crave sleep. It didn't even crave blood, which was unusual for her. Seras kicked her bag into a corner, turned on the radio and sat on her stiff bed. Everything was just the way she had left it. Her room was still cold and uninviting, her bed still hard and awkward. She kicked her feet against the wood paneling before pulling them up against her chest and resting her head on them. The low tune of the radio lulled her into complacency.

It wasn't as if she had a choice. She did appreciate the work this organization did, the good it did, and the people who served it. In all circumstances she loved her job. But her freedom had been taken from her. Although she was no longer technically bound to Alucard she was still bound to the organization his master led. And she in turn was now bound to his obligations.

Seras unfurled her body and fell back onto the bed. Her feet barely touched the ground and she raised her arms above her head as if they were shackled. She felt bound, in a way, to her own duties. Everything she did had an order behind it. She couldn't go to the grocery store without consulting at least 3 people first. Didn't she have a choice in all of this?

Alucard's words came back to her, haunting her. "Make the choice, police girl."

And she had. But had it been the right one?

She closed her eyes and listened to the soft piano playing through the room. She remembered Jack's face, smiling at her on the dance floor and she smiled back. He would remember her. She had made an impact on someone, at least. And he would remember her.

"Are you afraid of being forgotten, police girl?" Alucard's voice whispered in her ear and Seras fought the urge to screech and jump away. Instead she turned her head to look at him, his face lying closely next to hers on the pillow.

"No," she said softly. "At least, I don't think so."

He seemed to be studying her face as she talked and she let him. She didn't turn away and she didn't yell or feel uncomfortable that they were lying so close together. In a way, she enjoyed his company.

"Are you?" She asked.

"Am I what?" He seemed amused but didn't move away.

"Afraid of being forgotten." Seras answered, and shifted to lay on her side as they spoke. "After so many years, do you ever wonder if everything you've done will ever matter to anyone later on?"

He cocked his head slightly and looked at the ceiling. "No." He answered curtly. "I never worry about such things."

Seras smirked. "Do you ever worry?" She asked.

He laughed softly, almost inaudibly. "And what would I have to worry about, Seras Victoria?"

"I don't know," she screwed up her face, thinking. "When you're going to do your laundry, did I burned the toast this morning, did I leave that body lying in the middle of the alley when I should have buried it, those kinds of things."

Alucard laughed. The sound was unusually sharp and clear in the nearly silent room. It lasted only a moment but Seras would treasure it forever. She had made him laugh. She smiled.

Instead of answering he turned his head and looked at her, his eyes still and dark in the half-light. They said nothing to each other. She caught bits of words on the radio, "Spell on you, fall asleep…the first thing you see."

He moved toward her suddenly, and she didn't pull back as she normally would have. She braced for his weight on top of her, his lips on her neck tearing into her. He closed her eyes with the palm of his hand and she felt his other brush against her hip sharply. It was like cold air on a burn and it seared.

"Go to sleep, Seras. It's nearly dawn." She kept her eyes closed as he removed his hand and she barely felt him get up from the bed to leave. She didn't feel regret or relief. She didn't feel much of anything as she drifted off to sleep. But she remembered Jack's smile, the train, and the feel of Alucard's hands and the sharpness of his laugh. And she smiled.

/ Author's Note: I worship you all for sticking with me through this huge waiting period. I know you were all harassing me for the ending and I wouldn't get off my stupid lazy ass but here it finally is in all its glory. I hope it lived up to your expectations. There will be a sequel in the near future, but I'd like to get the first couple of chapters finished before I begin posting. You guys rock for liking my humble story and I hope you're anticipating the sequel as much as I am. /


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